So glad you want Deeper Coaching. Dig in here and let God grow you.
Week 26: Knowing What to Talk About: Listening for Root Issues
QUESTION
When something keeps bothering you, do you just sit with the negative feeling, feelings that seem to recur over and over again?
STORY
Jason was frustrated and feeling stressed about his job and not making enough money. He stewed in those negative feelings for several weeks. But, he had started huddling a few times a month with a trusted friend and decided to tell him how stressed he was. His friend could have just nodded and moved on, but leaned in, “What’s making it feel so heavy?” Jason actually thought about it and said, “Honestly, it’s not just work. I feel like I’m falling behind, like I’m failing. I feel like I’ve gotta prove myself. And it never ends!” What sounded like work and money problems was really deeper issues—performance, fear, and identity. His friend listened past the surface, which enabled them to get down to core issues. Jason got a clearer picture of his reality, which led to focused prayer and growing freedom.
EXAMINE SELF
Do I stew in my emotional symptoms—or do I think a bit deeper and listen carefully enough to notice the deeper issue underneath my emotions, struggles, and reactions?
SCRIPTURE & INSIGHT
“The purposes of a man’s heart are deep waters, but one who has insight draws them out.” — Proverbs 20:5
A root issue is often buried beneath the first thing we feel or say. They hide under stress, frustration, anger, conflict, withdrawal, or discouragement. Good listening, wise questions, and honest reflection help draw out the root of what’s going on in us.
QUOTE
“Most of the time, the first issue is not the real issue.”
TIP
When someone shares a struggle—including you—respectfully ask another gentle question: “What’s underneath that?” or “Why does that feel so important?”
PRAY, CONFESS & REPENT
Jesus, I admit that I often stay at the surface. I react to feelings like a passive victim or critic. I don’t ask you or friends to help me figure out what’s really going on in me or in others. I don’t want to be hurried or stay on the surface. Help me slow down, listen well, and let You uncover the deeper heart issues that need Your diagnosis and healing.
COACHING
Resist quick reactions from emotion. Ask yourself what inside you causes the emotion. Skip lazy surface talk and short cuts of labeling, shaming and criticizing. Slow down to ask God, yourself and your core friends what inner roots are driving the emotions and events seen on the surface. Is it fear or insecurity? Pride or shame? Hurt, disappointment, exhaustion? Believing lies, not really believing God or misplaced identity?
Become a learner. Listen for and talk through the deeper layers beneath repeated patterns, emotions, frustrations, and strong reactions.
ACTION STEP
The next time you talk with a friend, or do a quick Self X-Ray, take one recurring issue for you and ask: “What’s really underneath this?” Discuss, and even write, the layer below the surface, and the layers below that.
COMMITMENT
I won’t settle for surface explanations. I’ll ask God to slow me down and show me the roots by being honest about myself or in trusted conversations.
HABIT
Practice this simple rhythm:
Name the issue.
Ask what is underneath it.
Listen for the heart.
Bring that root issue to God.
TALK & PRAY WITH FRIENDS
Ask a friend, “What do you think is the real issue underneath what you’re dealing with right now?” Then listen without trying to fix. Pray that God would reveal truth, heal what is underneath, and lead both of you in wisdom.
_____
