It’s been a long time since my last blog, but I’ve been busy over the past few months working with the team to create something that, God-willing, can help men establish, deepen and grow the kind of friendships that Jesus modelled for us. I’ll unpack CORE 3 Coaching further later on, but I wanted to share a great discussion that came up in our most recent MEN HUDDLE Huddle Captains Convene (quarterly Zoom calls available to anyone on our email list) about leading with your limp.
First, a little background. We were talking about what keeps us men from developing their friendships beyond the ‘casual’, ‘basic’ or ‘good’ into the ‘strong’ Level 4 or ‘deep’ Level 5 friendships. Often, it comes down to what’s in or out of bounds in our conversations.
Conversations Matter
In casual friendship, men stick to the ‘usual’ conversations, like their work, kids, hobbies or sports teams. But for a deeper friendship, the conversation has to go deeper, too. First, it will cover ‘extensive’ ground in strong friendships, where you get to know the story behind the man. In Level 5, the conversations are ‘extraordinary’—you consistently share everything from your biggest dreams to your daily failures.
On the call, Jeff Fisher from the Northwest summarized it well, saying, “Level 4 is being transparent about your past and Level 5 is being transparent (and vulnerable) about your present.”
Then, the next question is: How do we get guys to be transparent and go deeper?
Be Vulnerable First
It’s what great leaders do to set the tone and demonstrate honesty, creating the safety for others to share without feeling like they’re going out on a limb alone. Too many people in positions of authority will lead with their résumés. “You can trust me—Look at all the things I’ve already accomplished.” They do this without realizing it has the opposite effect, intimidating others, creating a hierarchy and discouraging them from speaking up.
Just look at the only perfect man: Jesus let his disciples in on everything. As friends, He told them everything He learned from the Father. He shared his temptations and the struggles He faced. He showed Thomas His wounds. He was totally transparent and real with them all the time.
In the Old Testament, Jacob demonstrated this by “leading with his limp.” Remember, Jacob was proud, not humble. He tricked his brother and his blind father into giving him the elder’s birthright. But years later, on his way to reconcile with his brother, God confronted Jacob. He wrestled him, touching his hip socket and dislocating it. It became a constant physical reminder of his transformation into a man of humility and wisdom, signifying his shift from self-reliance to his dependence on God.
You don’t have to be a perfect leader. By leading with your weaknesses, you elevate the strength and grace of God.
Vulnerability and Mentorship
Later in the huddle conversation, we realized this principle of “being vulnerable first” also applied to connecting to and mentoring younger guys. Instead of waiting for an invitation to a mentorship program at church or for a younger man to ask for it, you can initiate. Be vulnerable first. Reach out to see if a guy wants to get connected and talk about life…Rather than lead with instruction, ask about his story and concerns. Open up with your story, starting with the mistakes you’ve made. It’ll build trust, and even a bridge, to discussing how God can use and turn around anything.
If you’d like to be there for our next Huddle Captains Convene Zoom call, sign up here.
Lead with your limp…and please pray for God’s hand as we shape CORE 3 Coaching.
