5 Challenges & Tips for the Middle-Aged Man with No Friends

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Anyone can suffer from loneliness. You might think of yourself as a middle-aged man with no friends and start to feel hopeless. But the truth is many men have a hard time making friends as an adult and feel like they’re missing out on friendship.

You might ask yourself, “Why don’t I have friends?”. There are tons of contributing factors that lead to you being a middle-aged man with no friends.

 

5 Challenges for the Middle-Aged Man with No Friends

 

1. Your career

Many men are ambitious and prioritize their careers. There’s nothing wrong with putting in the time and hard work to create a stable, meaningful life for yourself. But you might have also got caught up with the lie that our society tells us—that we’re only as good as our job. It makes guys spend extra time and effort focusing on their careers when they could be spending time with friends.

 

2. Your family

A lot changes from our twenties and thirties into middle age. Typically, this is when men get married, have children, buy a house, and have to make sure they’re making enough money to keep up with all of that. It doesn’t leave a whole lot of time in your schedule, does it? Plenty of well-connected, affable guys in their 20s turn into middle-aged men with no friends simply because friendships fell by the wayside while they started a family.

 

3. Friends change

When we’re young, many of our friendships simply happen. We were in the same grade, lived in the same dorm room, or played pick-up basketball together. But once we leave those social groups, guys start to move away or follow a different path. Sometimes, you or your friend start to have different interests and values, weakening the friendship until there’s nothing there anymore.

 

4. Social skills

As a middle-aged man with no friends, you might find that your social skills have gotten a little rusty over time. Like with anything, you’re out of practice and don’t have the ease or confidence to navigate the complexities of forging a new friendship as an adult.

 

5. Fear of Rejection

Everyone has fears in their heart and mind. It can be intimidating to jump back into socializing for a middle-aged man with no friends. You might internalize it as a flaw of your own when you ask yourself, “Why don’t I have friends?” or someone doesn’t appear to want to be your friend.

 

5 Tips for Making Friends as a Middle-Aged Man

If you’re wondering, “Why don’t I have friends?” there is hope! Here are some simple steps you can take to rediscover the joys of friendship.

 

1. Self-Reflection

Think about who you are and your story. Sometimes, we have illusions about ourselves. Other times, we have patterns of distancing ourselves or driving others away. It’s not your fault—they usually go back to deep-seated behavior we learned from our parents. Understanding this can free you from these patterns and preconceived limiting ideas about ourselves. It gives you a fresh start when you begin relating to others and building friendships. Instead of wondering, “Why don’t I have friends?” I hope it excites you about the prospect of making friendships.

 

2. Seek Support

If loneliness is affecting your well-being, don’t be afraid to approach a mentor, an elder at your church, your dad or father-in-law, or a therapist. Simply being able to voice these thoughts can go a long way in getting out of your head and getting some good, personalized advice.

 

3. Join Clubs or Groups

What are the hobbies or pastimes that really excite you? Maybe it’s something you haven’t allowed yourself to spend time on while you built your career or started your family. Consider joining a club or group related to your interests so you can meet like-minded individuals.

 

4. Reconnect with Old Friends

You might feel like a middle-aged man with no friends because you’ve moved away or your friends have moved away—and you all have busy lives that have kept you from reconnecting. Reach out to old friends and catch up with them. This can give you the joys of friendship and rebuild your confidence so you can make new ones, too.

 

5. Be Intentional

This is the most important advice. Being intentional about making friends puts you in the vulnerable position of being rejected. But most guys probably feel just like you and would welcome a guy taking the initiative to start a friendship. But it’s so important for another reason—turning a good acquaintance into a true friend is about being intentional about being there for each other, being open, and going through life together.

 

It’s never too late to make friends

Remember, it’s never too late to make new friends and enrich your life with the bonds of friendship. Learn how to achieve deeper friendship and download Playbook for Level 5 Friendship.

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How to Take Your Friendships to the Highest Level

I know you’re busy. Most of us are. We have all sorts of stuff going. Some of us have a business phone full of too many emails and texts as well. Some of us are busy traveling. Most of us check a steady stream of social feeds—Instagram, LinkedIn, Facebook—rinse…recycle…repeat. Maybe you’re the guy who enjoys a recreational sport when you can. 

 

Maybe your version of busy has doubled now that you’re a husband or a dad. And as an owner of a home, there’s always something that needs fixing or at least maintenance. Oh, and if your kids are in sports, then you’re too busy to do anything I mentioned in my first paragraph. 

 

Despite all of that, you don’t feel as strong as you would have expected. Maybe you’ve made compromises and slid into negative habits. On top of all of this, you might be realizing that, even though you’re so busy, you’re actually lonely. You miss those days when you had a best friend—someone you spent a bunch of time with, really knew you, and actually had time to be around you. 

 

Guess what? You’re not alone. In fact, it’s been declared an “Epidemic of Loneliness.” Fifteen years ago, researchers started noticing a shift in our social fabric. The US Surgeon General recently declared it a public health crisis. Here are just a few stats:

  • Four in 10 Americans say they don’t have a best friend at all (a 25 percent increase since 1990).
  • Men typically have fewer close friends than women do.
  • The percentage of men without any close friends jumped fivefold to 15 percent in 2021 (from three precent in 1990).
  • 76 percent of men don’t have a close and trusted friend they can share anything with.
  • Success Magazine reports that 61 percent of young adults (age 18-25) feel “serious loneliness.”

 

Don’t worry, I won’t go on further about this discouraging stuff. Instead, I’m going to focus on what you and I really want. Friendship. Finding real friendships makes us better men, prevents many of the dumb things we do, and improves the important things we do in life. 

 

How do you make these deep bonds?

One study reported becoming a best friend takes 300 hours of togetherness. Racking up those hours takes a lot of intention. In fact, I’d argue it’s more about the intentionality than the amount of time. 

 

My friend Dave and I hit it off, we developed a deep friendship after only four calls. I didn’t even meet Dave in person until a couple of months ago, but we’ve been connecting over Zoom. We withhold nothing from each other and pray about everything. We are intentional, that’s the big difference maker. 

 

He’s a Level 5 friend. Level 5 friendship is a concept that came to me while reading Good to Great, a brilliant business leadership book by Jim Collins. In it, he highlights the traits shared among the most influential leaders, what he called “Level 5 leaders.” I realized you could apply the same tiers to types of friendships.

 

Level 5 friends are in it for the long haul. I’ve been benched, traded, cut, and seen my football career go pitch black. I’ve had to fire myself from the non-profit I started. I saw my dad die of cancer. My daughter-in-law underwent brain surgery for a tumor. Sharing my troubles with friends didn’t only lessen the burden, it bonded us together.

 

Time to take your friendship to the next level.

Of course, this type of friendship is not my idea. Like everything good, it started with and belongs to Jesus. Deep transformative friendship is the essential way Jesus lived and worked with men. He changed the world by calling twelve working dudes to be His friends, grew them into friends of each other, and sent them out as teams of brothers. 

 

Huddling with 2-3 men to encourage and equip one another can be one of the most life-giving things in your life. Explore MenHuddle now and see how a group of men can commit to deep friendship and bring each other closer to God.

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Overcome depression with these 6 Strategies

First off, I want to say I’m sorry that you or someone you love has to overcome depression. It’s one of those invisible things that no one else can truly see in its entirety and affects everyone differently. Depression can feel like a heavy fog, a stressful daily attack, or an overwhelming burden. No matter how it feels, you are not alone, and you can overcome depression.

 

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.”

Jeremiah 29:11

 

6 Strategies for Overcoming Depression

 

1. Recognize the symptoms.

The first step in overcoming depression is labeling it so you can take action against it. When you’re depressed, you feel down all the time and generally have an excessive amount of negative feelings—anxiety, insecurity, irritability, guilt, hopelessness, and lack of self-esteem, energy, and interest in what you usually love. You might also see a decline in your sleep, appetite, or ability to concentrate. And you may be having thoughts of harming yourself, in which case I want you to talk to a prevention lifeline. 

 

2. Overcome the stigma.

We don’t like to open up and show weakness. We’re used to downplaying everything and saying, “No, I’m okay.” But it’s okay not to be okay. Jesus modeled this for us by praying to his Father on the Mount of Olives, saying, “Father, if you are willing, please take this cup of suffering away from me” (New Living Translation, Luke 22:24). Be like Jesus and ask for help, fully pouring out your feelings to God, family, and friends. It’s okay to need help and get professional treatment to overcome depression.

 

3. Be Kind to Yourself.

I was a quarterback before the era of sports psychologists. These professionals are paid a handsome sum of money to help athletes control their own inner narrative. Why? Because when they decrease stress and negative thoughts and visualize success, they can perform their best. 

You might not be pitching in the World Series anytime soon, but your self-talk is just as important for overcoming depression. It changes the way you understand yourself and your life. When you hear that negative voice, ask yourself where it comes from—a critical parent, sibling, partner, or boss from your present or past. Then, ask God to show you His grace for you and how to show yourself grace, too.

 

4. Think about your health.

The more science studies the body and the mind, the more we understand that the two are inextricably linked. What you are going through is real, but to overcome your depression, you must give your mental health the best chance to improve by also improving your physical health. Make sure you are getting enough sleep at regular hours, following healthy eating habits, drinking water, and getting daily exercise.

 

5. Schedule pleasant activities or events.

Depression usually grows because you can’t even work up the energy to do the things you enjoy. That’s why putting something on the calendar is so important for overcoming depression—even if it’s something as simple as getting a cup of coffee with a friend or telling someone that you’re going on a walk after work. The accountability will help you hurdle your feelings of low energy, follow through, and experience the things you used to enjoy. This can be a huge help to combat hopelessness and start to overcome depression.  

 

6. Focus on the relationships that lift you up.

It can be easy to let one bad relationship sink you. As humans, we tend to let the negative have an outsized effect on us. We focus on why we can’t win someone’s approval or learn to get along with them. Instead of fixating on the negative, lean on your positive relationships. God is always there, an infinite source of unconditional love. Plus, look for true friends or family in your life who can help you overcome depression by building you up and offering meaningful, positive connections.

Huddling with 2-3 men to encourage and equip one another can be one of the most life-giving things in your life. Explore MenHuddle now and see how a group of men can commit to deep friendship and bring each other closer to God.

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Why True Male FRIENDSHIPS are Needed Today

Men are going through a blitz right now—and they need male friendships to turn the obstacles into growth.

For years, technology has been growing all around us, encroaching on our lives and building walls of isolation. It certainly didn’t help when the pandemic arrived, further cutting people off from others and their communities. 

Both men and women are feeling lonely, but we guys aren’t as “comfortable admitting” it, a recent study suggested. Maybe that’s why they carry on without taking action. 3 in 4 men report not having “a close and trusted friend.”

At the same time as loneliness has grown, the #MeToo movement called out some of the widespread abuse of men using their power and influence for their own selfish gratification. The word masculinity became a word charged with all kinds of negative meanings. But masculinity is not inherently toxic. A healthy, positive masculinity can and should be fostered among friends.

 

“As iron sharpens iron,
so one person sharpens another.”

Proverbs 27:17

 

Male Friendships Are More Important Than Ever Right Now

 

Male friendships provide something unique.

If you’re married or in a committed relationship, you know there’s nothing like the closeness between you and your wife or your girlfriend. But even if it’s the central relationship in your life, it shouldn’t be the only close one you have. Male friends can relate to you better in some ways. They can understand some of your dreams and struggles intimately because they’re going through them too. They can even help you grow spiritually as you go through life together.

 

Men miss male friendships.

Many men look back on the glory days of their youth. But more than any athletic accomplishments, they’re nostalgic for spending a bunch of time with a group of guys. Male friendships take up less and less space as family and work take up more. The result is that men feel something is missing, and rightfully so. It’s a camaraderie that brings joy and meaning to our lives.

 

Men need dependable friends who they can be totally honest with.

Men have all kinds of insecurities that they never share with others. They think it will make them look weak and lose the approval that they’re seeking. Nowadays, some men seek to unburden themselves by posting anonymously in an online forum. But you need a true friend you can trust who knows your story—someone who is there to listen to and provide personal advice. 

 

Men need friends to hold each other accountable—and uphold positive masculinity.

Without accountability, men have the tendency to tell half-truths and indulge in destructive behaviors. But a group of men can hold each other, without judgment, to a higher standard of masculinity—one that puts others first and care for them as Jesus cared for His disciples, encouraging them and washing their feet. This way, men can positively use their strength to challenge others to be better. Remember Jesus standing between the angry mob and the woman (John 8:1-11). 

 

 

Stronger Male Friendships Build Stronger Men.

I hope the reasons above give you the courage to make new male friends, remind you to reconnect with an old friend, or compel you to get some guys together for a MenHuddle—that’s what I call a group of friends who have committed themselves to intentional, deep friendship that brings them closer to Jesus. If you’re ready to do that with your male friends, download the Playbook For Level 5 Friendship now. 

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