How to Remove Fear From Your Mind and Heart

Fear is uncomfortable, isn’t it? It can mess up our relationships and our ability to carry out our purpose in life. Any man who says he doesn’t feel fear is a big faker. The trick isn’t about never feeling fear again, but learning how to remove fear from your heart and mind. 

I know all about fear. As an NFL quarterback, I had to look downfield while huge, ferocious defenders barreled down on me. Hard to keep your mind straight when that’s happening. More importantly, I had to address the fear in my heart. What I feared much more than pain or injury was not being good enough. 

And that leads me to the first step on how to remove fear from your heart and mind…

 

How to Overcome Fear in 5 Steps

 

1) Find out what you’re afraid of.

When we’re kids, it’s easier to know what you’re afraid of: the school bully, talking to the pretty girl, giving a presentation. As we get older, our awareness grows, and our feelings become more abstract and complex. A general sense of fear gnaws at us—opening up the kind of wounds we don’t like to think about. 

But if you are to learn how to remove fear from your heart and mind, you must reflect on your fears. It might take looking at your life story or examining the fearful behaviors that make you miss opportunities or act out of insecurity. Even if you know what your fear is, defining it and facing it head-on is the only way to begin. 

 

2) Be real and open.

One time in the preseason, I was thrown to the ground so hard I couldn’t remember what routes my receivers were running after I called the play. Unsurprisingly, I threw an interception two plays later. Coming back to the sideline, I admitted to my coach, “I can’t think so well.”

It took a concussion to make me honest. All too often, I acted like I had everything under control. Really, I needed to be honest with everyone including myself to ask more questions, seek mentors and improve my game.

If you want to know how to remove fear from your heart and mind, find a friend or group of friends that you trust and share your fears with them. They might have gone through the same thing so they can give advice. They could be going through it now, so you can go through it together. Or they might have their own fears. Whatever it is, you’ll know you aren’t alone.

 

3) Have a growth mindset.

In her book Mindset, Stanford professor Carol Dweck shows how people achieve amazing things when they believe in the process of hard work and develop mental resilience. How does that apply to overcoming fear? 

Learn to see discomfort as a good thing that leads to progress. If you have a hard time being vulnerable with others, put yourself out of your comfort zone knowing that it’s the only way to grow past your fear. 

In football, that concept was facing the blitz. An extra defender or two running free heightened the possibility of pain and failure, but it also presented a huge opportunity—if we could work together, the offense could get a big play. 

 

4) Challenge negative thoughts.

Fear often comes from the bad things we believe about ourselves. Eliminating these thoughts is important for overcoming fear.

Maybe you had a parent who criticized you and made you feel small or like you couldn’t do anything right. Whenever you catch yourself thinking negatively of yourself, look at where those thoughts come from. Whose narrative is that?

You no longer have to tell it to yourself and feed your fearful thinking. 

 

5) Ask God to affirm you.

This is the most important thing you can do to see how to remove fear from your heart and mind. Go to your perfect heavenly Dad and ask Him who you are to Him. You are His child and, through His son Jesus, He has given you the power to overcome fear and carry out the His mission for you.

 

Now you know how to remove fear from your heart and mind. Don’t worry if your fear doesn’t evaporate overnight. Overcoming fear is a journey full of spiritual growth. Be patient with yourself and know that God doesn’t expect perfection from you—He just wants a true, deep relationship with you. 

And that’s something that should make you feel secure. 

 

MenHuddle

Are you ready to be real and open with a group of friends about the fears you’re facing? Download the PLAYBOOK FOR LEVEL 5 FRIENDSHIP to get started. 

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How to Stop Being Insecure as a Man

Men don’t like to talk about it, but we face all kinds of insecurities. They fill our lives with anxiety, or we burn out trying to overcome them. Great news! You can learn how to stop being insecure and enjoy the freedom it brings. You don’t have to live this way. 

5 Steps to Stop Being Insecure

In the Book of Galatians, Chapter 5, the apostle Paul asks the church in Galatia not to live by the old law as outlined in the Old Testament. To continue the team metaphor, he’s telling them not to follow the team rulebook and think that it’s going to change the culture. 

Paul tells them they’re free from following the law but not to waste this freedom on the flesh (our selfish, pleasure-seeking desires).

 

1. Don’t get caught up in projecting an IMAGE.

Image is how we want to be perceived. It’s our brand. And eliminating our obsession with it is integral to learning how to stop being insecure.

Image had a big impact on me growing up. My dad was a successful and highly visible man. I felt that it was my legacy to be influential like him. That meant I needed a bunch of my own success to match his. I was afraid to run races or compete in wrestling matches—not because I feared the pain or getting hurt—I was afraid to lose.

I wanted to protect the image of a winner—and I went to great lengths to do so. When I couldn’t make it past second-string on our eighth-grade football team, I quit to “focus on grades.” Even as a young QB in the NFL, I didn’t reach out to veteran players for pointers so I could look cool and confident.

Image isolates you and multiplies your insecurity as a man.

 

2. Don’t compete against others for your identity.

Once you stop focusing on your image, you can put your effort into self-improvement—whether that’s on the field or at your job. This creates more confidence. 

When you have to measure your success against something, it generally means you wrongly compare yourself to others. 

There are all kinds of ways to do it. Culture tells you to compete with your bank account, muscles, or dating history. Even good, admirable characteristics like generosity or spiritual growth can become arenas of competition. 

 

3. Realize how your own expectations are feeding your insecurities.

You might be dealing with insecurity as a man because you’re competing against your expectations of yourself. 

For me, understanding this was a huge step in learning how to stop being insecure. See, I needed a script to outline exactly what I could do to achieve the success I craved. 

In my mind, following the script would ensure that I would excel as a student, as an athlete, as a friend, as a leader, and as a Christian. I would get good grades, make starting quarterback, get drafted into the NFL, be popular, and make a difference. 

Do you have an identity script? I don’t necessarily mean one that’s written down somewhere, and I don’t mean a set of goals you have for making yourself a truly better man. 

I’m referring to the stuff you think you must do in order to have value. If you don’t do them, you think of yourself as a big fat zero: Win awards. Own a bunch of stuff. Marry the pretty girl. Be the life of the party. 

You’ll wear yourself out following a script like that. You’ll never rest in your identity.

 

4. Receive your real identity as God’s son.

The Bible tells us, “God created man in his own image.” This means that who I am is found in discovering who God is.

Receiving our identity from God, who created us—and loves us—is the truth that transcends everything else about us.

It has far greater implications than our background, position, or performance. More than our looks, talents, or marital status. It can securely anchor the way we see ourselves and how we relate to others.

Being an image-bearer of God is the core of our identity, the essence of who we are and who we can become.

 

5. Be real.

It’s so much easier said than done. But if you follow the fourth step and receive your identity from God, you’ll realize that sharing your insecurities as a man instead of hiding them— is strength. It brings people together and leads to deep friendship. Because we all have insecurities—but we don’t have to deal with them on our own. 

 

Fight Insecurity with MenHuddle

Even when you know how to stop being insecure, it takes wisdom from God and friends to work through it. That’s why having a committed men’s group is so important. Check out the PLAYBOOK FOR LEVEL 5 FRIENDSHIP to get started. 

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Christian Men’s Group for Deeper Friendship

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Once you’ve been a part of a good Christian men’s group, you realize there’s nothing else like it in our culture.

Some are Bible studies for men; others are Christian groups based around a shared interest, like fishing or football. At the end of the day, it’s as simple as getting a group of guys together, what I call a “Men’s Huddle,” and allowing yourselves to open up to each other and spend time with God. 

You might think, “That sounds great, Jeff, but I have a job and a family. I go to Church. I don’t have time for a men’s group.”

Ok, I hear you. Let me give you five reasons you need a Christian men’s group in your life. 

 

Men need to break out of their isolation.

Our culture keeps us busy and working toward what we don’t yet have. Even if you have a picture-perfect family life, you need friends. You probably miss spending time with a group of guys, like you did in school or on a team.

If you feel lonely, you’re not alone. One in three men suffer from loneliness, and it’s taking years off their lives. 

By simply putting yourself out there and joining a men’s group, you’re addressing a big issue that many men don’t realize is eating away at them. 

 

Men need a place to be authentic.

Men don’t try to break out of isolation because they’ve been conditioned not to admit fault or show weakness. But being vulnerable strengthens us. 

A solid Christian men’s group allows you to be your authentic self without fear of being deemed weak or judged for your faults.

You won’t believe the burden that’s lifted when you experience this kind of support. 

 

Men need deep friendships. 

By opening yourself up to a small men’s group, you build stronger bonds with your fellow members than you could anywhere else. 

Some of the best Christian men’s groups consist of a handful of close friends who have made the intentional choice to be there for each other, commit themselves to consistent meetings and deepen their friendships.

You’re not just a men’s group anymore. You’re a brotherhood going through life together. 

 

Men need accountability. 

We all have secret thoughts and behaviors that we hide from others—partly out of pride and partly out of shame (two of Satan’s most destructive tools). 

But once you have a group who you can trust to be open with, you can shine a light on the things you’ve allowed to grow in the darkness. You don’t have to deal with it all by yourself anymore—such a weight is lifted!

This accountability will sustain you through the worst of life’s blitzes—what I call those times of great challenges that provide opportunities for great growth.

 

Most of all, men need to be like Jesus

—and need other men in their lives to encourage them and show them how. Jesus is the main focus of a transformative Christian men’s group. A team of like-minded believers is one of the keys to unlocking spiritual growth. 

Not only will you spend time studying His Word and perfect example—He’ll also be a part of it as you pray to Him.

Jesus had His own men’s group during His life as a man on earth. And, with His disciples, Jesus modeled His perfect solution to all the needs listed above. 

He brought them out of their busy lives into a group with the most important mission of all time—to bring salvation to humanity. He fostered a group of authenticity, deep friendship, and accountability. And He taught them how to be a son to their Heavenly Father and encouraged them every day. 

 

Build Deeper Friendship with MenHuddle.

If you’re looking to deepen friendship and mutual mentoring, check out the PLAYBOOK FOR LEVEL 5 FRIENDSHIP—a guide that will help you connect with other men in a meaningful way and catalyze spiritual growth in each other’s lives.

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