Best Ways Of Removing Pride Biblically

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We guys have a pride issue and it crops up in all kinds of ways. Luckily, God offers grace when we give up our prideful ways and Jesus gives us the perfect example of how to give it up and learn the ways of removing pride.

Our culture promotes pride. Why give it up? Show off that huge house or fancy car so everyone else can notice and you can gain a big following. Or if something is going wrong, don’t admit it. Be strong, hide it, and keep soldiering on. 

But that’s not what the Bible tells us. 

3 Types of Pride and How to Get Rid of It Biblically

The Bible shows us the exact opposite of the culture—that strength comes through humility. And the only way to truly be humble is to live in the truth that every good thing comes from God. On our own, we can do nothing. 

Talking to men for years, I’ve noticed three prevalent types of pride. And I’ve seen how to stop them from taking over our lives. 

1. The pride of being special

One of the most-often loosely quoted Bible verses on pride is “Pride goes before the fall.” Even back in the days of David, before the massive nation-states and global fame, they knew how pride could affect people’s behavior, opening them up for disgrace. There are plenty of modern examples—from politicians to sports to celebrities—but the common lie at the heart of their fall is pride. It wasn’t just lust, but the idea that “I am special. I can get away with it because of my talents or status.” 

The Biblical answer to removing the pride of being special: The Bible doesn’t say, “To whom much is given, that person deserves special treatment.” It says the opposite in Luke 12:48, “To whom much is given, much will be demanded.” Our talents don’t set us apart from others—they’re meant to be used in the service of others. Think about one of the last memories Jesus gave his disciples before He saved humanity. He didn’t have them all toast Him. He washed their feet like a servant. If God on earth made it about others, then you should too. 

2. The pride of performance

A lot of well-meaning, unselfish men fall into the trap of pride through performance. They believe they can earn their own validation if they can compete better and succeed more. The problem is that it’s in relation to being better than others. In the end, you’re playing for pride.

The Biblical answer to removing the pride of performance: Receive your identity as the son of God and you won’t feel the pressure to perform for your own idea of self-actualization. (Guess what even when you succeed, that identity of being a winner is temporary—it only lasts until the next time you lose). Instead, you can perform in whatever your arena is without the pressure of earning your identity. You’re less likely to fall into the traps of pride—delusions of your own greatness, tunnel vision, irritability and blaming others and depression when you lose. Most importantly, win, lose or draw, you’ll honor your Creator. 

3. The pride of image

I’ve had friends who have suffered in silence because it seemed like the noble thing to do. Unfortunately, it was the pride of preserving their image of strength that kept them from being honest, reaching out and getting the help that they needed. In a world where image is everything, image is still unreliable. It’s difficult to maintain and keeps us from living as our true, transparent selves without removing pride.

The Biblical answer to removing the pride of image: Shaping our lives through image doesn’t work well. We weren’t meant to be image-makers, but image-bearers (Genesis 1:27). Made in God’s image, we are relational beings. When you live in the freedom of being yourself, you realize that sharing your weaknesses helps others and gives you strength. As Paul wrote in 2 Corinthians 12:9-10, “[God] said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

That message from Paul introduces what I call the paradox of power. Through these examples, we’ve seen the weakness and insecurity of pride. On the other side is the surprising power of humility and honesty. 

These two characteristics, which Jesus exemplified perfectly, are the keys to overcoming pride biblically. 

 

Want to get deep and honest with a group of guys? Download the Playbook for Level 5 Friendship.

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How To Surrender To God

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We all strive for certainty in our lives. Beginning with aspirations, we chart our course, seeking command over our destinies. And guys especially don’t like to admit we’re lost and need help. That stereotype of the man who doesn’t ask for directions exists for a reason. (I, for one, am glad we have GPS on our phones now). Men are also trained never to give up. Never surrender. Of course, persistence and bravery are important traits, but that masculine emphasis works against us when surrendering to God. 

With God, surrendering is good. Learn how to surrender your life to God, through knowing Him, committing yourself to Him and making room for Him in your life. 

Learn How to Surrender to God

1. Realize that God has a better way

It’s not easy to surrender your identity, dreams, ambitions and control of your life. The world would tell you that this is all you have. As Romans 12:2 says, “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.” 

If you’re a Christian, you’ve realized that God has given you a better way. Your self-worth doesn’t have to be tied to whether you achieve everything you dreamt up. You don’t have to worry about dying because Jesus sacrificed Himself to give you everlasting life. 

2. Commit your life to Christ

Jesus doesn’t sugarcoat it. If you want to follow His better way, you have to surrender to Him. In Luke 9:23, He says, “If anyone wishes to come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will save it. What profit is there for one to gain the whole world yet lose or forfeit himself?”

If you haven’t committed yourself to Christ yet, I encourage you to do that today. It will change your life. But the surrendering isn’t over for us believers, just because we’ve committed ourselves to Christ. We must remember to “deny ourselves” daily, surrendering what we want for what really matters. 

3. Ask God what you need to surrender to Him

This is a really practical exercise to regularly bring into your prayer time with Jesus—because it’s easy to say and think you’ve surrendered yourself to God without realizing there are things you’re holding onto. Here’s a totally, non-exhaustive list of things that you (and I) might need help surrendering to God. 

  • Identity and ego
  • Bitterness, jealousy, grudges or regret
  • Your dreams
  • Trust in yourself
  • The lies you tell yourself 
  • Need for control 
  • Your sin 
  • You pride

Take this list and pray to God, asking Him to fill you with the Holy Spirit, whose transformative power will help you let go. You’ll be amazed. Sometimes what seems to be the most trivial things can be the clues to pride and need for control.

4. Receive blessings from God

Surrender is not about losing. It’s giving up everything to make room for God to make your life full of meaning and joy. As Paul explains in Galatians 2:20, “I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by the faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.”

When you surrender, God can work through you, bringing the fruits of the spirit to your life—better relationships and peace. You receive your true identity as a son of God, eliminating the pressure to achieve dreams or be successful. You realize that surrendering is not a vulnerable act. It’s the safest thing you can do. 

5. Look to Jesus who surrendered everything to God

Whenever you need support, you can look at the perfect example that Jesus laid out for us during His time as a man on earth. Jesus surrendered His status to God as Philippians 2:6-7 describes: “Who being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant being made in human likeness.” 

In the end, He surrendered everything. As verse 8 concludes. “He humbled himself by becoming obedient to death—even death on a cross!” You know the best part? You don’t have to simply study His life and hope. You can pray to Jesus every day and He offers guidance and wisdom as you surrender to God. 

 

Start finding your identity in Christ. It can start with you and a 2-3 deep friends. Download the Playbook for Level 5 Friendship to learn how.

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Overcoming Shame the Biblical Way

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5 Steps to Overcoming Shame 

Does it ever feel like shame is ruining your life? It can be this big oppressive thing that weighs you down. But believe me, you can overcome shame if you follow the Bible’s guidance. 

How to Overcome Shame 

Based on my own personal experience and helping other men overcome shame, God has revealed a pattern that takes us out of the shadows of shame and into the light of accountability and change. 

1. Confess your sins to God and others

When we mess up, we have to confess our sins to God to seek forgiveness from Him, as well as confess our sins to those we hurt. Overcoming shame through him gives us a path that we can use to be set free. As Matthew 5:23-24 says, “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.” God doesn’t want us to live in shame. He wants us to be reconciled with Him and with those around us. 

The Bible also tells us about the healing power of confessing our sins to one another. James 5:16 tells us, “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.”

This act of confessing to a “righteous person” can be such a powerful influence in your life, especially if it is a close friend who knows you and will check in on you and help keep you accountable.

2. Accept God’s forgiveness          

Sometimes we are so focused on our own mistakes that we aren’t able to accept God’s forgiveness in our lives . Remember that God’s love for us is unconditional and, as a believer, our sins have been paid for. As John 1:9 tells us, “If we confess our sin, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” Overcoming Shame can be done and through God!

3. Realize that shame is one of the devil’s biggest weapons

You might think shame is just the normal response for messing up. But it’s not. Shame is not helpful. It’s a curse that makes your mistakes linger in your mind, changing how you think of yourself long after the consequences. The devil uses it to make you feel like you are a bad, worthless person and there’s nothing you could do to change or earn God’s forgiveness.

4. Remember that Jesus does not expect perfection

Jesus came down to earth. He was God in a human body. His standard of perfection is beyond your reach, and mine, but His forgiveness, friendship and encouragement are not. The devil’s shame says, “You are bad. You are guilty and hopeless.” God’s conviction says, “You did bad. You fall short, but with me you can get back on track.”

Remember, we’re not striving for “Junior Jesus Perfection” status in hopes that we can impress God into giving us a break or a bonus. As men, we are already loved by our Father God who has offered us both a Savior and a brother in Jesus.

5. Take an honest look in the mirror

If we’re going to overcome shame, that starts by answering some tough questions, like: What really controls me? What do I turn to when I’m bored, hungry, tired, stressed, discouraged, angry, or ashamed? Why do I hide secret parts of my life?

When we do things that feel wrong to us, we experience guilt. Our conscience is God’s helpful signal that we’re off-track. We can respond by confessing, seeking God’s mercy, and receiving His grace to correct our course. We move out of the shadows of secrecy into the light of truth. While guilt can call us toward God’s kindness, the devil is quick to twist it into shame, which fuels lies, secrecy and isolation. So stay vigilant and remember who you really are. 

That’s the real point of looking in the mirror. Remember that you are a son of God, and through Him, you can experience transformational change when you receive that truth every day.

 

Are you ready to overcome shame? Do you want to create a group of friends who are committed to transparency and accountability? Discover how to with the Playbook for Level 5 Friendship. 

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The First Step to Healing Father Wounds

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Our dads have a huge impact on our lives—for good and sometimes for worse. Whether you had an affirming dad, a neglectful dad or even an abusive dad, everyone grows up with some deficiency because of their dad. Why? Because no dad is perfect. 

As we mature, our father wounds can create insecurity, making us feel like failures or have us overcompensate with ambition. But no amount of success will fix it. Growth only comes through healing these father wounds. Here’s the good news. Everyone has access to the perfect dad—God, who designed you. He invited you to be His adopted son through you His Son. Here’s how you can embark on a journey of healing for your father wounds.

4 Steps for Healing Father Wounds

1. Understand how you started

Some of us would rather not think about the past because of some of the normal growing pains. Others escaped horrible situations. Either way, the family that raised us is where our problems start. So, as we try to move forward in our journey, it’s helpful to look back over the ground we’ve covered—by us and those who shaped us. 

Ask yourself, how has your past impacted your identity? Each of us has unique ways in which it’s made you insecure, afraid or self-conscious. Identifying the root cause is often massively important for healing father wounds. 

 

2. Look back with grace on your dad

Of course, we wish our dads had made our early years easier—if dad had been there, if mom and dad’s relationship was healthier or if they’d engaged more in developing us from a boy into an emerging man. But no one has a perfect family and our parents’ childhood wasn’t either. Theirs may have been just as painful and deficient as ours, maybe more. 

So, without dwelling on the past or holding onto resentment, look back with grace on your dad and your own upbringing.

 

3. Offer forgiveness to your dad

It can be hard to change the behaviors and attitudes connected to our father wounds when the pain and feeling of being wronged is still there. But when you acknowledge Jesus as your savior, you receive forgiveness for all the sins you’ve ever committed or will commit because of Jesus’ sacrifice. 

We’re also given the power of forgiveness to bestow upon others. Jesus instructs us to pray, “Forgive us the wrongs we have done as we forgive the wrongs that others have done to us” (Matt. 6:12). 

It might feel like you’re giving your dad a gift he doesn’t deserve. He might not acknowledge how he’s wronged you or ever asked for your forgiveness. But forgiveness is a gift for the one who forgives. It allows you to move on from your role as a victim as God heals your father wounds. 

 

4. Let God heal your father wounds and transform you

I’m not saying it will always be easy. It won’t. But as you forgive your dad, you can look at all the pain or deficiencies your dad caused without so much heaviness. You can offer them up to God. You’ll receive peace and confidence with your true identity as an adopted son of God. 

Another way to transform this wound into a positive thing is by sharing it with your close group of guy friends. As men, we usually hide our vulnerabilities from each other. But you never know what another guy might have gone through or is currently going through. Your sharing could help him know he’s not alone or even give him guidance to help heal his father wound. 

 

Want to know how to create a space for guys to talk about their father wounds? Download the Playbook for Level 5 Friendship today.

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