I’ve been helping men better their relationships for decades and some of the most common questions I get are about how to be a better husband and father. Seeking advice and accepting training is such a critical first step. As men, we’re often conditioned to think we have all the answers (or pretend that we do).
Together, let’s go over the most important strategies for becoming a better husband and father.
Strategies For Becoming a Better Husband and Father
1. Shift your mindset
In America, we’re inundated with ads and convenient services, basically surrounded by a culture of consumerism. Unfortunately, we sometimes bring that mindset home with us. We have expectations of what our wives or children should be doing for us or how they should be making us feel.
Instead, we should approach these relationships with the mindset of an investor. How can we offer support, teaching and resources to see them grow and thrive? Rather than telling you to play with your kids, listen better, or be present (all of which are good), this mindset shift will guide you to giving them what they need when they need it. It will do the same with your wife, too, and help you maintain a long-term view of your marriage. Instead of fixating on the daily tension, you can see it as an opportunity to overcome challenges together and strengthen your bond for the long run.
2. Practice servant leadership
Many of us have worked at companies where the so-called leaders enjoy all the perks and comforts while ordering everyone around without doing the work or taking responsibility. In recent years, experts realized leaders eat last in successful cultures, putting others first. Of course, it’s also what Jesus modeled for us over 2,000 years ago when He washed the feet of His disciples. Leading your family is not about calling the shots. It’s about sacrificing your own comfort for the good of the family.
3. Assume humility
For some parents, making sacrifices comes naturally. But Jesus’ example of washing His disciples’ feet was about more than just service. It was an act of humility, lowering Himself to their level for the sake of unity. While you must remain an authority figure for your children to grow up with proper boundaries, it’s important to balance it with an awareness that you can make mistakes. Sharing these mistakes will help them learn from you and apologizing quickly will stop resentment from building up. It’s one of the most important elements of marriage, allowing you to own up to mistakes, make peace faster, listen to feedback and accept it openly.
4. Be more than a protector
Being a protector and provider comes naturally to a lot of men. But too many of us guys think the job is done after putting a roof over their heads, food on the table and the fear of God in the boys in their lives. You also need to be gentle, patient, caring and nurturing. If it doesn’t come easy to you, work on it. Become vulnerable, open up and talk about feelings. Not manly enough for you? It’s how Jesus modeled the perfect manhood for us.
5. Seek healing for your own father wounds
Sometimes all the best advice and training in the world won’t make a difference because we’re still acting out of the hurt of our own upbringing. Maybe you find yourself rising to anger in the same way your dad or mom did with you. Sometimes, you have to go back and unpack these feelings. Ask God to help you forgive and heal these wounds from our parents, so you can move on with peace and the ability to change.
I hope you take these strategies help to guide you and conceptualize a better way. The most important thing to do is to ask God to help you to become more like Him.
Want strategies for being a better friend? Download the Playbook for Level 5 Friendship.
