Encouragement Rocks: How (and Why) to Appreciate Others
Discoveries by brain scientists, psychologists, and theologians are lining up. According to neurotheologian Jim Wilder and pastor Michel Hendricks, the human brain is always hunting for peace and joy. The chemistry and synapses of our brain reveal two consistent ways we experience them. One is when someone speaks positively of us through specific praise, appreciation, or affirmation. Receiving honor feels good. It literally produces peace and joy.
Too bad that kind of verbal honor has to be unprompted. Boosts of joy and peace aren’t too likely if I keep asking my wife, boss, or friends to compliment me every time I want a lift. Many of our less mature and secure behaviors center on winning the approval of others. That’s a consumer approach, counterproductive and annoying.
In RECEIVE: The Way of Jesus for Men, I remind us that continually striving to earn approval from others is unsustainable. Needing it too much proves we’re insecure and never satisfied. We’re meant to receive identity and approval from God as His adopted sons through what Jesus has already done for us—not to try to earn it through performance.
You can’t keep chasing affirmation and expect it to work. That makes us approval-hunters. Consumers, not investors. But just because we can’t prompt praise from others doesn’t mean there’s not great news about how we can prompt joy and peace. Here’s the awesome thing: when you praise and appreciate others, their brain sparks joy—and your brain does too.
Encouragement is something you do control.
Here’s to doing it sincerely, effectively, and often.
How to Praise Others Effectively: Be Specific
Exactly, be specific.
My 49ers coach, Bill Walsh, used to show highlight video of specific plays by certain players. On our latest MEN HUDDLE Huddle Captains Convene call, I started by shouting out several men for the dynamic, impactful work they had done.
Anyone who’s worked in a large business knows that “Good job, everyone!” doesn’t land nearly as powerfully as when a leader specifically calls out you or your team for what you did well.
Specificity is what makes encouragement real. It also protects us from false praise, which actually has the opposite effect of true appreciation.
True Appreciation vs. False Praise
Psychologists have found that kids praised with vague phrases like “I love it” or “You’re so creative” are less likely to keep working on their craft. But when parents praise something specific about their process like, “I love how thoughtfully you chose those colors!”, kids are far more likely to keep going.
Specific affirmation fuels a growth mindset. It builds identity around effort and behavior, not ego. And the same is true in faith and life: knowing that every ability is a gift from God keeps us humble, grateful, and free to grow.
That’s the beauty of being a son of God on His team. Everything is a gift from Him, so we don’t have to feel proud or superior, nor embarrassed or jealous when someone else is better than us. But we do have a responsibility to grow the gifts He’s given us and use them to glorify Him.
Encouragement as Worship
When we affirm someone, we reflect God’s heart.
We recognize the Imago Dei (the image of God) in them. That’s not flattery; it’s appropriate honor, a kingdom currency.
And as we practice seeing and naming the good in others, we train our eyes to see the goodness of God more clearly in people everywhere.
The Win-Win of Encouragement
The more you look for ways to encourage, the more attuned you become to gratitude.
The more gratitude you cultivate, the more joy your brain produces.
And the more joy you experience, the more naturally you pass along joy and peace.
It’s a joy to be appreciated, and it brings joy to appreciate others. So be specific and invested in the growth of those around you. As a bonus, you’ll feel more grateful, peaceful and joyful about life when you start looking for things to notice, appreciate, and affirm in others.
The Takeaway
You have the power to produce peace and spur your own joy, and someone else’s, every day, in many situations and relationships.
Just start noticing.
Be specific.
Be sincere.
Encouragement doesn’t just rock, it recharges your soul.
So are you ready? Do you want more peace and joy coursing through your brain than stress and worry?
Go make somebody’s day—and your own too.
Today, and each day, be on the lookout to specifically compliment or thank someone.
PS: If you’d like to be there for our next Huddle Captains Convene call, sign up here.
