Men don’t like to talk about it, but we face all kinds of insecurities. They fill our lives with anxiety, or we burn out trying to overcome them. Great news! You can learn how to stop being insecure and enjoy the freedom it brings. You don’t have to live this way.
5 Steps to Stop Being Insecure
In the Book of Galatians, Chapter 5, the apostle Paul asks the church in Galatia not to live by the old law as outlined in the Old Testament. To continue the team metaphor, he’s telling them not to follow the team rulebook and think that it’s going to change the culture.
Paul tells them they’re free from following the law but not to waste this freedom on the flesh (our selfish, pleasure-seeking desires).
1. Don’t get caught up in projecting an IMAGE.
Image is how we want to be perceived. It’s our brand. And eliminating our obsession with it is integral to learning how to stop being insecure.
Image had a big impact on me growing up. My dad was a successful and highly visible man. I felt that it was my legacy to be influential like him. That meant I needed a bunch of my own success to match his. I was afraid to run races or compete in wrestling matches—not because I feared the pain or getting hurt—I was afraid to lose.
I wanted to protect the image of a winner—and I went to great lengths to do so. When I couldn’t make it past second-string on our eighth-grade football team, I quit to “focus on grades.” Even as a young QB in the NFL, I didn’t reach out to veteran players for pointers so I could look cool and confident.
Image isolates you and multiplies your insecurity as a man.
2. Don’t compete against others for your identity.
Once you stop focusing on your image, you can put your effort into self-improvement—whether that’s on the field or at your job. This creates more confidence.
When you have to measure your success against something, it generally means you wrongly compare yourself to others.
There are all kinds of ways to do it. Culture tells you to compete with your bank account, muscles, or dating history. Even good, admirable characteristics like generosity or spiritual growth can become arenas of competition.
3. Realize how your own expectations are feeding your insecurities.
You might be dealing with insecurity as a man because you’re competing against your expectations of yourself.
For me, understanding this was a huge step in learning how to stop being insecure. See, I needed a script to outline exactly what I could do to achieve the success I craved.
In my mind, following the script would ensure that I would excel as a student, as an athlete, as a friend, as a leader, and as a Christian. I would get good grades, make starting quarterback, get drafted into the NFL, be popular, and make a difference.
Do you have an identity script? I don’t necessarily mean one that’s written down somewhere, and I don’t mean a set of goals you have for making yourself a truly better man.
I’m referring to the stuff you think you must do in order to have value. If you don’t do them, you think of yourself as a big fat zero: Win awards. Own a bunch of stuff. Marry the pretty girl. Be the life of the party.
You’ll wear yourself out following a script like that. You’ll never rest in your identity.
4. Receive your real identity as God’s son.
The Bible tells us, “God created man in his own image.” This means that who I am is found in discovering who God is.
Receiving our identity from God, who created us—and loves us—is the truth that transcends everything else about us.
It has far greater implications than our background, position, or performance. More than our looks, talents, or marital status. It can securely anchor the way we see ourselves and how we relate to others.
Being an image-bearer of God is the core of our identity, the essence of who we are and who we can become.
5. Be real.
It’s so much easier said than done. But if you follow the fourth step and receive your identity from God, you’ll realize that sharing your insecurities as a man instead of hiding them— is strength. It brings people together and leads to deep friendship. Because we all have insecurities—but we don’t have to deal with them on our own.
Fight Insecurity with MenHuddle
Even when you know how to stop being insecure, it takes wisdom from God and friends to work through it. That’s why having a committed men’s group is so important. Check out the PLAYBOOK FOR LEVEL 5 FRIENDSHIP to get started.
