Why You Should Care About Friendship

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Why do I care about friendship? Because we are made and adopted by God to thrive in relationships with others. But that requires a tight team of intentional brothers, consistently connected Level 5 Friends. Today, men are being blitzed by father wounds, identity insecurity and masculinity confusion/bashing. We’re attacked by everything from a cut-throat culture to the digital poisoning of porn. 

 

Just like in football, these blitzes offer opportunity for God to bring us together—to Him and to a brotherhood of real men. Our challenge is not just the loneliness caused by eroded community ties and the isolating forces of the economy and social media. Tragically, the word masculinity, which means strength that protects the vulnerable, comes with baggage after the #MeToo movement called out men’s self-centered abuse of power.

 

But this is why we need to revive the high standard of manhood—manhood in the model of Jesus, the quintessential man. He lived a masculinity that humbly depended on His Father and courageously channeled His strength for the weak, oppressed and particularly for the exploited women. He turned the world upside down through radical obedience to His Father and lifestyle of coming alongside flawed, driven men who wanted His greater calling. 

 

The way to pull ourselves out of our small and damaged subjective narratives and isolating echo chamber is through something fun that we actually want. But, it’s something the enemy has convinced us to fear—deep, transparent friendship. It’s time for life-giving camaraderie, transforming teamwork and channeling our strengths for good.

 

God wants you to have real friendship.

Men need friendship. We’re made in God’s image and He is a relational being. He instructs us to bear one another’s burdens, share one another’s joys, grieve together in our losses, and confess our weakness—our temptations, struggles and failures (sins) so we can heal and grow stronger. Men need close friendships with other guys because they can relate—they have the same dreams, vulnerabilities and struggles.

 

There are many kinds of friendships, but the best is not often practiced by enough men. Level 5 represents the life-giving commitment and men-transforming relational depth that we’re designed to live.

 

Level 5 – Deep Friendship – This friendship makes you better. It adds a purposeful commitment to loyally and consistently connect. You process your lives, disclose struggles, encourage and pray for each other, confess sins and erase secrets, benefit from accountability and pull each other closer to God. We’ve unpacked that kind of friendship in the last two posts. Let’s wrap up by tackling a few things that stop most guys from investing consistent time in developing intentional friendships.

 

3 Gut-Level Objections You Can Overcome

  1. Not Another Meeting. The easy excuse is “I’m too busy and can’t fit another meeting into my busy life.” Answer: It’s friendship, not a meeting. Could you fit in 60 minutes a week for enjoyable friendship that improves your marriage, family and work life?
  2. Will I get exposed? You may have been burned before. Maybe you’re afraid of being exposed as a failure or of having your private junk become public. You’re not alone, but if each friend agrees to be loyal, confidential and not a life guru trying to fix you, you’ll feel the freedom to be real and let your friends help you transform your life.
  3. I can’t lead it. You’re not supposed to. It’s friendship, not a small group or teaching assignment. It’s we, not you and them. It’s not impressing, critiquing or fixing each other. You simply lean into a couple friends, clearly propose it and help the huddling together get started.

 

We Have the Perfect Model Friend: Jesus

Jesus will guide and help you with this friendship. Jesus built deep friendships. He shared meals, grilled over campfires, and took his friends on intense boating adventures. Jesus showed up at their work and walked with guys. He set up quiet retreats in the hills and a special farewell dinner. Before eating, Jesus, the leader of leaders, shocked his friends with a radical move. He stepped back from his spot near the head of the table, knelt at their feet, took a bowl of water and towel and washed their grimy feet. Jesus loved and led in the most faithful way possible—he served.

 

We may not have to watch the dusty sandals of our friends like Jesus did, but we can be authentic men. We thrive most when we make friendship a priority and create memorable experiences to connect with a group of guys. Together, we can follow Jesus’s example. Better yet, we can let Jesus transform everything in our lives, including our friendships.

 

Start deeper friendship today. Download the Level 5 Friendship Playbook and talk with a friend or two about taking your friendship to the highest level.

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The Epidemic of Loneliness: How Friends Solve the Problem

The Epidemic of Loneliness in the world is a serious problem. I’m going share how understanding the 5 Levels of Friendship can unlock depth in our relationships – ending loneliness for you. Here are all the levels together now:

Level 1 – Casual Friendship – This is a guy you’ve met and may or may not remember his name.

Level 2 – Basic Friendship – You act friendly, barely connect and speak about the usual stuff on the surface level only.

Level 3 – Good Friendship – You’re close enough to joke around and open up a bit. There’s some trust…and some caution. He knows you a little, but nothing really personal or deep. 

Level 4 – Strong Friendship – You trust each other. You talk about meaningful parts of your life. You’re open, but not completely open. You’d call him at 2am in a crisis, but you don’t know what’s going on with each other by checking in consistently.

Level 5 – Deep Friendship – This friendship adds a purposeful commitment to meet and consistently connect. You disclose struggles, pray for each other, confess sins, erase secrets, stay accountable and pull each other closer to God.

 

The Three C’s of Forging Level 5 Friendship

  1. Commitment
  2. Consistency
  3. Connection

 

Now, let’s look at that second line of Level 5: You disclose struggles, pray for each other, confess sins, erase secrets, stay accountable and pull each other closer to God. These are the weekly behaviors of deep friends. It takes investment, but is totally worth the sacrifice. 

 

The 5 Things You’ll Sacrifice for Level 5 Friendship

  1. Prioritizing Yourself – From families to careers, many men already take care of so much. They’re understandably protective of their free time. But you’ll have to give some time to be in community with others. You might have to miss a few hours of watching college football on the couch to be there for a buddy when he needs a hand.
  2. Your Image – This one’s harder to give up, but it’s not real anyways. You’ll have to give up control over how you present yourself to the world—how you want to be perceived. Many of us are obsessed with it. You’ll have to give it up to disclose your struggles and confess sins.
  3. Your Half-Truths and Guilty Pleasures – Many guys have great intentions, but they slip into compromises and half-truths. They tell lies to get away with things. Or maybe they’ll lie to themselves. “It’s okay to do this because…” or “I’ll only do this one time” or “Some guys are doing much worse…” to justify what they know is wrong. They’re more likely to give in to sinful desires. They don’t tell anyone partly because the short-term consumer in him wants to continue. But freedom for what’s best requires erasing secrets and living in the light.
  4. Your Complicity – Many men make excuses for the negative behaviors of other guys to avoid their own stuff. But real men hold self and others accountable.
  5. Your Defenses – There’s no way you can do any of this with your guard up. You’ll have to do something that’s initially uncomfortable—trust what God thinks about you and be vulnerable to friends.

 

It might seem like a lot and feel difficult, but it’s worth it. Especially when you look at what it leads to.

 

The 5 Things You’ll Gain From Level 5 Friendship

  1. Total Honesty – With these guys, you’ll never have to worry if they’re telling you the truth or not. You can rely on their perspective and wisdom to understand your life and improve.
  2. Unconditional Support – There’s nothing you can do or say that will make these guys stop being there for you. You have each other’s back.
  3. Lifelong Bonds – You’ll have guys in your corner at all times—to enjoy and celebrate the good times, and prayerfully support you through the toughest times.
  4. Fun – It’s brotherhood, camaraderie and laughter. You’ll have inside jokes, great times together and great memories.
  5. Purpose – You’ll help each other grow closer to God and transform into better versions of yourself.

 

Want to get started today? Download the Playbook for Level 5 Friendship now.

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Men’s Group Bible Study: 5 Tools to Help Along the Way

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At some point in your journey as a man, you realize that you can’t do it alone. You need God for everything and for Jesus to show you the way. You also figure out, hopefully, sooner rather than later, that you need a men’s group Bible study—a group of guys coming together to study the Word and bring Jesus into every area of their lives.

 

How to Get Started with Men’s Group Bible Studies

Even when you know you need a men’s Bible study, it can be tough to get things off the ground. What parts of the Bible should we start with? How do we structure it? What other materials should we read to bring understanding and meaning to reading the Bible? That’s where resources for a men’s group Bible study can be super helpful.

The resources outlined below encompass a spectrum of teachings, discussions, content, and tools designed to foster spiritual growth, strengthen relationships and friendships, and empower men to navigate life with faith and conviction. I’m confident you’ll find something that fits your group of guys and their stage of spiritual development.

 

5 Resources for a Men’s Group Bible Study

1. Playbook for Level 5 Friendship

I’m starting with my own (free) ebook even though it’s not designed for starting a men’s group bible study. There’s no shortage of excellent studies out there to dig your teeth into, but I found that men were having a hard time being open and going deep with each other (what I call Level 5 Friendship). It’s a quick read with step-by-step instructions. You’ll find practical tips on how to build deeper friendships with 2-3 guys looking to feel accepted and supported as they process their lives together and improve as men. Of course, time in God’s Word will come out of this huddling time together–even though that is not its main purpose.

I’d even argue that just starting a men’s group is not enough; men need deep, authentic, self-disclosing friendships in order to grow as sons of God and men. That’s what Huddling and building to Level 5 Friendship will provide.

 

2. BetterMan

Nowadays, men are confused by their masculinity. BetterMan is “calling men back to God’s good and timeless design for men.” To achieve this mission, they’ve created The BetterMan Curriculum, which provides weekly pre-recorded videos, workbooks, discussion questions, and more. It’s a great resource for men’s Bible study, helping men be confident in their masculinity and improving their relationships, marriages, families and churches. You can learn more and get instant access here.

 

3. The Purpose Driven Life

This classic book from pastor Rich Warren is a fantastic exploration of the question, “What am I here for?” Nearly all men come to a point in their lives where they question the meaning of life and their place in it—especially if they’ve been led astray by the world’s idea of significance. The Purpose Driven Life teaches you how to know yourself and your creator. It’s great content for a men’s group Bible study because it’s designed as a 40-day personal spiritual journey. You can come together on a weekly basis and discuss each member’s response and help them find their purpose.

 

4. Experiencing God

The last thing you want for your men’s group Bible study is for it to become one more thing to check off the list of things a Christian should do. You can’t simply go through the motions. Experiencing God is a wonderful video series that’s designed to “awaken believers to a radically God-centered way of life.” It challenges you to respond to God’s invitation to all of us—to know Him and His ways.

 

5. Receive: The Way of Jesus for Men

I wrote Receive to outline the principle of receiving your identity as a man from God for two reasons. For one, society has misled men to believe they must earn their manhood when the Bible tells us we must receive it from God through Jesus. Secondly, I wanted to define what it means to receive and how to do it. It’s full of practical advice and each chapter has a list of questions to help men’s group bible studies spark deep conversation and learn the way of Jesus for men. 

 

What does Jesus’ Perfect Example Mean for us Today?

As you embark on this journey, I hope these resources enrich your discussions, deepen faith, and foster men’s bible study dedicated to embracing Jesus in every aspect of life. Use these tools, engage in meaningful conversations, and let the pursuit of God strengthen your bond and guide you.

Want to see how Jesus’ perfect example can lead to real, meaningful friendships? Download the Playbook for Level 5 Friendships to get started.

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Was Jesus Perfect? And Why It Matters to Everyone

Was Jesus perfect? That question might be one of the most important questions you can ask. As a follower of Him myself, it’s the fact that He was perfect and the Son of God that is the foundation of my faith and everyone who follows Jesus to make disciples. 

 

Why is it important to answer “Was Jesus perfect?”

Long before Jesus ever came down to earth, the Old Testament prophesied that a Messiah would come. In the Jewish culture, they temporarily atoned for sins with a sacrifice for God. It had to be their first and their best, a perfect sacrifice. The Messiah would be a spotless “lamb of God” and serve as the ultimate, permanent sacrifice and forgiveness for not just one person’s sins but for all the sins of humanity. Was Jesus perfect? He had to be to fulfill the Messianic prophecy. 

This perfection was crucial for our salvation. Without Jesus’ sinless life, the sacrifice on the cross would not be enough to free us from our own penalty of sin. 

 

So, was Jesus perfect?

He was indeed. By His very nature, as God came to earth, Jesus was perfect. We see His perfection in the wisdom and righteousness of his actions, miracles and words throughout the Bible. By every moral standard, He was perfect and his act of sacrifice is the world’s greatest example of altruism. Even in the face of great temptation, He was perfect. 

It’s hard enough for us to be without sin for ten minutes thanks to our own selfish desires, much less having to endure temptation directly from evil incarnate. 

In Luke 4:1-13, Jesus was led by the Spirit to the wilderness to be tempted by the devil. He ate nothing, while Satan tried to goad Him into fulfilling his basic needs by turning stone into bread. But Jesus told him “It is written, ‘Man shall not live by bread alone’” affirming the Word, and telling Satan He will not betray the spiritual world to satisfy the physical need. 

Then Satan offered Jesus power over all the kingdoms of the world if He worshipped him. In our power-hungry world, people do much worse for far smaller amounts of power. But Jesus answered him, “It is written, ‘You shall worship the Lord your God, and him only shall you serve.’” 

Then he attempted to trick Jesus by telling him to prove to everyone He was God with a miraculous act. But Jesus responded, “You shall not put the Lord your God to the test.” In each temptation, Satan asked Jesus to act selfishly. But Jesus knew the will of God and acted in perfect accordance to His will. 

 

What does Jesus’ Perfect Example Mean for us Today?

When Jesus died sinless on the cross for our sins, he defeated death so we could live eternally with Him in heaven. And during our time on earth, we can live our lives fearlessly with this assurance. 

It also means we can study his perfect example and apply it to our lives to get closer to God. We can even talk to Him anytime and ask for His guidance. 

Are we perfect? No, and that’s ok. 

Was Jesus perfect? Yes, and I’m eternally grateful for it.

 

Want to see how Jesus’ perfect example can lead to real, meaningful friendships? Download the Playbook for Level 5 Friendships now.

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