How to Be a Better Friend

There isn’t much in this world better than deep friendship. It gives us happiness, good times and good health. Being a better friend is not only about having fun together, it’s also about being there for the ups and downs, while providing advice and support. It reinforces mankind’s relational nature given by God and reminds us of our purpose—to be more like Him. But it doesn’t always come easy. Sometimes, we have to consider how to be a better friend.

You might have let a guy down when he counted on you. Or more likely, you’ve drifted apart from the friends in your life. You’re all so busy, with full work lives, full family lives and full schedules. But you want to know how to be a better friend and enjoy the bonds of deep friendship again.

Good news! You’ve already taken the first step to find out how you can better yourself. I’ve been speaking about men’s friendships for decades, looking at the research and talking to guys all around the country. Based on everything I’ve learned; these are the five keys to learning how to be a good friend.

“Dear friends, since God loved us that much, we surely ought to love each other.” —1 John 4:11


5 Keys of Retaining A Fruitful Friendship

  1. Be Intentional – Being intentional in your friendships means actively choosing to invest time, effort, and emotion into it. You have to make a conscious decision to prioritize your friend and their well-being. This might mean setting aside dedicated time for regular catch-ups, checking in on their life, and being present in the moment when you’re together. By showing that you value and prioritize the friendship, you’re demonstrating a sincere commitment to being a better friend.

  2. Be Committed – The best friendships get to a deep level when two or more friends make a clear commitment between friends to be a part of each other’s lives. It means showing up and being reliable, dependable, and dedicated to your friend. When you make plans, honor those commitments. You won’t just pass on a couple weekends with this guy every once in a while. You’ll go through life together and learn how to be a better friend every day.

  3. Be Consistent – Set up a time to meet every week to catch up with your friend and don’t miss it! That’s how to be a good friend for the long haul. It’s vitally important for knowing what’s really going on in the other guy’s heart. You’ll be able to give and receive better insights with intimate knowledge of each other’s dreams and struggles, rely on the continued support and inspire spiritual growth for one another.

  4. Be Open – None of the above will work if you can’t be open with each other. Create a space where everyone can be honest and have vulnerable conversations without the worry of their stuff getting spread publicly. For your part, it means being willing to share your thoughts, feelings, and experiences, as well as actively listening to your friends when they do the same. Once you’ve learned how to be a better friend, you’ll be open to deeper connection and foster a sense of trust for your friendship to grow.

  5. Be Like Jesus – Jesus demonstrated all the behaviors above. He gave us the perfect model to learn how to be a good friend. Study His servant-leadership, compassion, understanding and forgiveness. Ask Him to help you become more like Him, showing unconditional love, patience, and forgiveness. This not only strengthens your bonds but also reflects the love of God in your relationships.

Ready for a deeper dive on how to be a better friend? Download the Playbook for Level 5 Friendship today.

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Why Letting Go of Your Ego Matters

It’s one of the most challenging things you’ll ever go up against. It’s even bigger and more dangerous than a blitzing safety. Even more difficult to decipher than a tricky coverage. It’s letting go of your ego.

Notice how I didn’t say just “ego”? Because when people say “ego,” they mean full of themselves, self-important, or over-confident. But the real definitions give us a clue about why it can be destructive—and why letting go of ego is so important.

Merriam-Webster gives a couple of definitions. One is “the self especially as contrasted with another self or the world.” The other is, “the organized conscious mediator between the person and reality especially by functioning both in the perception of and adaptation to reality.”

So, everyone has an ego (a sense of self) and has to use it to perceive reality. The trouble comes when the sense of self gets in the way of perceiving reality accurately.

Soon, your actions are determined by a need for validation and superiority, or an inability to accept criticism. It totally zaps your opportunities for deeper spiritual growth. But letting go of ego brings you closer to true self-awareness and the transformative power that brings.

5 Keys for Letting Go of Ego

  1. Be others-centered.

    When you look at well-known cases of egotism, you can’t help but wonder, “What planet is that guy on? What makes him think he can treat other people that way?” But it’s never so easy when you look in the mirror. “Why do I think I can treat my co-worker or spouse like I do at my low points? Why do I think I can get away with my selfish behavior?” Because the ego is centered on the self, it operates as though we’re different, that we’re the center of the world—against what we know to be true. Putting others’ needs ahead of your own is one of the easiest ways to let go of ego, but it’s hard to sustain alone. Reflect and pray to God that He will give you the wisdom and self-awareness to let go of your ego, navigate your blind spots, and see things from others’ perspectives.

  2. Stop the need for approval.

    We all begin searching for approval at a young age. We wonder, “What do Mom and Dad think of me? What do my siblings think of me? Am I loved here?” For young boys, Dads are key players. But even if you have a great dad, no one is perfect. Their imperfection leads to our own insecurities. We end up looking for approval from them, from peers, from bosses, from girls. The problem is once we get it, we get addicted to the feeling of recognition. It becomes our sense of self, and so the ego inflates.

  3. Receive your true identity.

    Everyone is looking for some kind of label to validate their ego. “Winning athlete,” “successful businessman,” or some other accomplishment. The problem is these identities force us to always compete with others to win them, and they’re temporary. The first time we lose or our business hits a rough patch, our self-confidence goes down the drain. The ego is wounded. That is why we must receive our true identity as a son of God. This identity is given by God and gives us all the power, peace and assurance we’ll ever need. And it’s unconditional.

  4. Remember the importance of team.

    The easiest way to let your ego go unchecked is to isolate yourself. But on a good, strong team, there’s no room for (inflated) egos. They get in the way. They stop you from healthy communication and accomplishing what you’ve been called to accomplish. Think of your marriage, your family, your men’s group, or your coworkers as a team. Have a clear goal and hold each other accountable to the standard you need to reach it.

  5. Be a servant leader.

    Jesus was the ultimate man and with the ultimate mission—to come down to earth and reconcile mankind with the Father. All of this and He wasn’t above washing the feet of his disciples. In fact, He did it to set an example. This is how you lead. You serve others. You can’t have a big ego and follow the sacrificial example set by the only perfect leader.

Stop Letting Your Ego Get in the Way.

You’ve read this far. That shows you have the will to begin the journey of letting go of your ego. You’re not too proud to learn from others. I hope you take these steps into your life to help you let go of your ego and receive your true, authentic self.

Want to start a men’s group that helps you let go of your ego? Download the Playbook for Level 5 Friendship today.

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10 Facts About Spiritual Birth in the Bible

It’s what Christians are talking about when they say they are born again. It’s what I’m talking about when I say I follow Jesus. But what is spiritual birth in the Bible? 

We all know what it means to be born. We’ve all done it. We enter the world and grow, developing physically and mentally. But there is also spiritual birth and spiritual growth.

 

10 Facts About Spiritual Birth in the Bible

  1. It requires belief in God.

    To be spiritually born again, we must become aware that there is more to reality than just the physical world we can see. There is the spiritual reality and God, while we cannot always see Him, is everywhere. We have faith because we know we can see him.

  2. It’s not given by heritage, ritual, or desire of man.

    In some religions, spiritual birth is guaranteed by your bloodline or the performance of a ritual. But while a Christian baptism symbolizes a rebirth, it does not constitute a spiritual birth.

  3. God gives spiritual birth.

    As 1 Peter 1:3 tells us, “According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again.”

  4. It means we believe Jesus died for our sins.

    The verse above goes on to say we are born again “to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead.” We don’t only believe He rose from the dead but that he died as a sacrifice for our sins to bring us back to God. Jesus is the only way to God and eternal life.

  5. You are born with a new spiritual heart.

    God gives you a pure new heart when you’re born again. In Ezekiel, God says, “And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you.”

  6. It means you live for Christ.

    With this new heart for God, you recognize that you live to represent Christ and get closer to Him.

  7. It also means you are dead in a way.

    Spiritual birth means you are dead to your old life, your old ways of living for yourself and living in sin (see Ephesians 2:1-3).

  8. You know God and love the Father.

    Your belief and knowledge of Jesus gives you knowledge of God the Father (John 5:1). Isn’t it awesome that through studying Jesus the Son, you can understand the Supreme Being of the Entire Universe?

  9. You love others and practice righteousness.

    It’s not like some kind of enlightenment that removes you from the problems of the world. Instead, your spiritual birth gives you a greater responsibility to love others. Your fruit of the spirit (how you bless others) is what shows your spiritual birth and growth. 

  10. You will see the Kingdom of God.

    This means you see and understand the work that Jesus has done and is doing on earth and that you get to spend eternity in heaven with Him.

 

Where’s Your Spiritual Journey Headed?

I hope these straightforward facts answered all your questions, demystified any confusion, or gave you something easy to remember so you can share it with someone else.

If you want to deepen your spiritual life, the Playbook for Level 5 Friendship is a great place to start.

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What Does Forgiveness of Sins Mean?

We’ve all messed up. We’ve done something we regret or something we knew shouldn’t do. Heck, sometimes we do things that we only realize are wrong later on. These are things that hurt others or hurt ourselves—and most importantly, they go against the will of God. The Bible calls this “sin.”

 

If you’re lucky, you have good friends who will forgive you for messing up and hurting them. They’ll forgive you and then won’t ever hold it against you again. That way, you can forgive yourself and let go. You can live with gratitude and without insecurities. It’s almost like you never did it at all.

 

It’s absolutely crucial for human relationships. A psychological study found that a lack of forgiveness “stirs up negative emotions and creates more conflict” and makes it hard “to compromise or resolve issues.” 

 

And it’s important with God, too. You cannot be right with God if you don’t ask Him for forgiveness. Thankfully, God will forgive sins.

 

Here’s one of my favorite verses about His forgiveness of sins: “He does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us” (Psalm 103:1). 

 

Forgiveness of sins might sound like a big spiritual idea, and it is. But it’s really simple, too. 

 

If you’ve ever done anyone wrong (and I know we all have), you know how much of a relief it is when someone forgives you for your transgression—or “messing up.”

 

Now, take that feeling and multiply it by infinity and you have salvation. (That’s the big spiritual idea I was hinting at before).

 

God doesn’t just forgive sins. He offers us salvation.  

 

Forgiveness of Sins and Salvation

Nobody is perfect. That means no one is without sin. We’re all guilty and not deserving of spending the rest of eternity with God. 

 

It would be nice to say, “Well, if God is all-powerful, why can’t he just let everyone into heaven anyway?” 

 

But God is perfect and just. He cannot betray His nature, so any sin brings us under his judgment.

 

He is also merciful. To save humanity, God sent down his Son, Jesus Christ, to show His love and sacrifice Himself to pay our debt. Isaiah, Chapter 53:4-6 prophesies of this all-encompassing forgiveness of sins:

 

“Surely he took up our pain and bore our suffering, yet we considered him punished by God, stricken by him, and afflicted. But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed.” 

 

And later, after Jesus came down, Paul describes it in Romans 3:24-25:

 

“For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus, whom God put forward as a propitiation by his blood, to be received by faith. This was to show God’s righteousness because in his divine forbearance, he had passed over former sins.

 

What does that mean? When you invite Jesus into your life and follow Him, your sins are wiped away and you can live forever in the presence of God. Instead of punishment, you get grace.

 

It’s better than just the forgiveness of sins. It’s an invitation to have a relationship with God that has no boundaries or end.  

 

Accept His Forgiveness, Make New Friends While You Do It.

Are you forgiving others like God has forgiven you? Take this big idea into your next men’s small group. And if you need a hand starting one, download the Playbook for Level 5 Friendship.

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