Biblical Advice for Dealing with Inconsistent Friends

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Friendships are meant to be a source of support, encouragement, and mutual growth. However, dealing with inconsistent friends can be a challenging and sometimes disheartening experience. Whether it’s unpredictability, unreliability, or a lack of commitment, inconsistency in friendships can lead to feelings of frustration and disappointment.

As Christians, we are called to navigate these challenges with grace, wisdom, and a heart aligned with biblical principles. In this blog, we’ll explore how to address the challenges of inconsistent friendships through Christian teachings, biblical guidance, and a focus on strengthening relationships in faith.

Dealing With Inconsistent Friends

Christian Friendship Challenges

Inconsistent friends can test our patience and sometimes make us question the value of the relationship. It’s important to remember that every friendship, like any relationship, will have its ups and downs. However, when a friend’s inconsistency begins to affect your well-being or spiritual growth, it’s time to address the issue with love and clarity.

Proverbs 17:17 (NLT) reminds us, “A friend is always loyal, and a brother is born to help in time of need.” This verse highlights the ideal of friendship as a constant, reliable source of support. When faced with inconsistency, it’s crucial to assess whether the friendship aligns with this biblical standard of loyalty and mutual support.

Biblical Guidance on Friendships

The Bible provides wisdom on how to handle challenges within friendships, including dealing with inconsistency. Here are some key steps to consider:

  • Pray for Guidance: Before addressing the issue with your friend, take time to pray for wisdom and clarity. Ask God to guide your words and actions, ensuring that your approach is rooted in love and humility.
  • Communicate Honestly: Address the inconsistency directly with your friend in a kind and non-confrontational manner. Ephesians 4:15 (NLT) advises, “Instead, we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church.” Honest communication is key to resolving issues while maintaining respect and care.
  • Set Boundaries: It’s important to establish healthy boundaries in any relationship, especially when inconsistency becomes a recurring problem. Setting clear expectations can help protect your emotional and spiritual well-being while allowing the friendship to grow in a positive direction.

These steps, grounded in biblical wisdom, can help you navigate the challenges of inconsistent friendships while maintaining your own peace and integrity.

Strengthening Relationships in Faith

While dealing with inconsistent friends can be difficult, it’s also an opportunity to strengthen your relationship through faith. By responding to inconsistency with grace and understanding, you can create an environment where both you and your friend can grow spiritually.

Matthew 7:12 (NLT) provides a guiding principle: “Do to others whatever you would like them to do to you. This is the essence of all that is taught in the law and the prophets.” Treating your friend with the kindness and patience you desire in return can foster a more consistent and trustworthy relationship.

It’s also important to remember that some friendships may not last forever, and that’s okay. Ecclesiastes 3:1 (NLT) reminds us, “For everything, there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven.” Some friendships may be for a season, and letting go can sometimes be a part of God’s plan for your life. Trust that God will bring the right people into your life who will support and uplift you in your spiritual journey.

 

By approaching friendship challenges with biblical guidance and a heart committed to God’s will, you can navigate the complexities of relationships while maintaining your own spiritual health.

 

Need help navigating challenging friendships? Discover practical guidance in the Playbook for Level 5 Friendship today.

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What The Bible Says About Relationships and Health
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Our relationships have a profound impact on our overall health—physically, emotionally, and spiritually. The Bible offers wisdom on how we can cultivate healthy relationships that promote well-being in every aspect of our lives. Understanding the connection between our relationships and our health is essential for living a balanced and fulfilling life.

The Bible not only highlights the importance of maintaining healthy relationships but also shows us how these connections can influence our spiritual and physical health.

What The Bible Says About Relationships and Health

Faith and Well-being

Faith plays a crucial role in shaping our relationships and, consequently, our well-being. When our relationships are rooted in faith, they bring peace, support, and encouragement, all of which contribute to our overall health. Proverbs 17:22 (NLT) tells us, “A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit saps a person’s strength.” This verse emphasizes the importance of a positive, faith-filled heart in maintaining good health. Relationships that nurture a cheerful heart, grounded in faith, can act as a form of medicine for our souls, promoting both emotional and physical well-being.

Healthy Christian Relationships

Healthy Christian relationships are built on love, trust, and mutual respect. They provide a safe space for us to grow spiritually and emotionally, allowing us to thrive in all areas of our lives. Ephesians 4:2-3 (NLT) encourages us to “Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love. Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with peace.” These principles guide us in maintaining relationships that are not only supportive but also aligned with God’s will.

When we cultivate healthy Christian relationships, we create an environment where both we and those around us can flourish. These relationships are marked by forgiveness, understanding, and a shared commitment to living according to God’s word. As we grow closer to one another through these bonds, we also grow closer to God, experiencing His love more fully through our interactions with others.

Spiritual and Physical Health Connection

The Bible clearly illustrates the connection between our spiritual and physical health. A strong spiritual life, supported by healthy relationships, contributes to our overall well-being. 3 John 1:2 (NLT) expresses this connection: “Dear friend, I hope all is well with you and that you are as healthy in body as you are strong in spirit.” This verse underscores the importance of both physical and spiritual health, suggesting that the two are intertwined.

When our relationships are strong and grounded in faith, they contribute to our physical health by reducing stress, promoting positive emotions, and encouraging healthy behaviors. Conversely, toxic or strained relationships can lead to emotional turmoil, which can negatively impact our physical health. The Bible’s teachings on love, forgiveness, and community help us build relationships that support both our spiritual growth and physical well-being.

 

In essence, the health of our relationships is a reflection of our spiritual health. By prioritizing God-centered relationships, we can create a life that is balanced, fulfilling, and aligned with God’s design for us.

 

Ready to strengthen your relationships and improve your well-being? Download the Playbook for Level 5 Friendship today.

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How To Build Better Friendships

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Friendships are a vital part of our lives, offering support, joy, and companionship. However, building and maintaining strong, meaningful friendships can sometimes be challenging. As Christians, we are called to build friendships that reflect the love of Christ, rooted in biblical principles and strengthened by faith.

True Christian friendships go beyond surface-level interactions, fostering deep connections that encourage spiritual growth and mutual support. These friendships are essential not only for our personal well-being but also for our spiritual journey, as they help us live out our faith in community with others.

How To Build Better Friendships

Biblical Friendship Principles

The Bible provides clear guidance on how to cultivate and maintain strong, healthy friendships. Proverbs 27:17 (NLT) states, “As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.” This verse highlights the importance of mutual support and growth in friendships. A true friendship encourages both individuals to grow in their faith and character, sharpening one another in their walk with God.

Building better friendships starts with embodying Christ-like qualities such as kindness, patience, and forgiveness. Ephesians 4:32 (NLT) reminds us, “Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.” These qualities are essential in fostering relationships that are not only strong but also reflective of God’s love and grace.

Christian Friendship Guidance

Christian friendship goes beyond casual acquaintance; it is a deep, spiritual connection grounded in shared faith and mutual encouragement. The Apostle Paul often emphasized the importance of building one another up within the body of Christ. In 1 Thessalonians 5:11 (NLT), he writes, “So encourage each other and build each other up, just as you are already doing.”

To build better friendships, it’s important to be intentional in our actions and words. This means taking the time to listen, offering support during difficult times, and celebrating the joys and successes of our friends. Christian friendship also involves accountability, where we lovingly challenge each other to grow in our faith and live according to God’s will.

Strengthening Relationships in Faith

Strengthening friendships through faith involves regularly bringing your relationship before God. Praying together and for each other is a powerful way to deepen your bond and invite God’s presence into your friendship. James 5:16 (NLT) encourages us, “Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results.”

Additionally, participating in shared spiritual practices, such as Bible study or worship, can strengthen your connection with one another. These activities not only enhance your personal faith but also create a shared experience that deepens your friendship.

It’s also important to extend grace and understanding in friendships. No one is perfect, and misunderstandings or conflicts can arise. By approaching these situations with humility and a willingness to forgive, you can navigate challenges without damaging the relationship. Colossians 3:13 (NLT) advises, “Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.”

 

Building better friendships is a continuous process that requires effort, patience, and, most importantly, a heart aligned with God’s love. By following biblical principles and allowing your faith to guide your actions, you can cultivate friendships that are not only strong but also deeply rooted in Christ.

 

Want to grow deeper in your friendships? Download the Playbook for Level 5 Friendship today.

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How to Build Friendships that Last

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No man is an island. No guy can go it alone no matter how strong and independent he feels. God created all humans in His image to be relational beings, designed to seek and nurture connection with others. The Bible teaches us about all the different relationships in our lives. It tells us to honor our parents, form a union with our wives, and to build lasting friendships.

As Proverbs 27:9 says, “A sweet friendship refreshes the soul.” But the Bible doesn’t just affirm its importance, it also teaches us how to build friendships that last.

6 Biblical Ways to Build Lasting Friendships

1. Be open, honest, and authentic

A friendship can only get off the ground if both parties can be open and honest with each other. For one, you must be vulnerable to let someone get to know you—like really know you. Plus, if your friend is always honest with you, you can trust them and their words. Even if it hurts your feelings, you know it’s said out of genuine care for you. That means you’re being authentic with each other, especially when it would be easier to avoid confrontation. As Proverbs 27:5-6 so poetically puts it, “Open rebuke is better than love carefully concealed. Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.”

2. Invest time and effort

Much like training in the gym, consistency helps the friendship grow stronger—making time for each other out of our busy lives is crucial. Check in regularly, even if it’s just a text, have a weekly activity, and celebrate each other. As I always say, go through life together. Proverbs 18:24 tells us, “A man who has friends must himself be friendly, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.”

3. Hold your friendship to a higher standard of kindness

We guys can be a bit rough on each other. Sometimes, we accidentally let our competitiveness or jealousy come out under the guise of joking. Sometimes, we choose ourselves over our friends and miss opportunities to be kind. It can happen casually and go without notice. But God is extremely serious about the true standard of friendship. The Bible tells us, “Anyone who withholds kindness from a friend forsakes the fear of the Almighty.” What’s a good, practical way to start cultivating empathy and kindness today? Listen actively, giving your full attention to your friend, so they feel supported and you find opportunities to help them.

4. Build each other up with praise and gratitude

1 Thessalonians 5 offers wonderful, straightforward wisdom about creating strong bonds in a community, instructing us to build each other up with encouragement and acknowledgment. It’s a great blueprint for strengthening friendships, too. Everyone wants to know someone is on their side and be acknowledged when they’ve worked hard. Compliment your friend’s efforts, celebrate their successes, and express your gratitude for their presence in your life. Simple acts of recognition can significantly deepen your bond.

5. Forgive your friends

No friendship is without its bumps in the road. Disagreements, misunderstandings, and hurt feelings are inevitable. But holding onto grudges can poison the relationship. Ephesians 4:32 teaches us to “be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” True, lasting friendship recognizes that no one is perfect and extends the grace God has given us to our friends, allowing us to move past conflicts while strengthening the relationship.

6. Study the example of Jesus’ friendship together 

Jesus is the ultimate model of perfect friendship. He showed unconditional love, loyalty, and sacrifice for His friends. In John 15:13, Jesus says, “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” By studying the life and actions of Jesus, friends can learn how to support, encourage, and love each other better. Spend time together in prayer and Bible study, seeking to understand and emulate Jesus’ approach to friendship. This spiritual growth together will deepen your bond and align your friendship with God’s teachings.

Building lasting friendships is a journey that requires the kind of commitment, honesty and a deep sense of kindness and forgiveness showcased by Jesus’ example and God’s Word. By following it and receiving blessings from God, we can cultivate friendships that not only stand the test of time but also refresh and enrich our souls. So, let’s take these steps together, investing in our friendships with the same love and dedication that God has shown us.

 

Want to get started today? Download the Playbook for Level 5 Friendship now. 

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The Importance of Trust in Friendship

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Most guys don’t really like to talk about their feelings. Trust in their friendships usually falls into that category, too. But it’s worth talking about because trust is one of the most important aspects of maintaining a long, deep, mutually beneficial friendship with open communication and to show importance of trust in friendship…that is to say, a true friend.

Why is Trust So Important in Friendship?

Here are five ways trust creates the foundation for good friendship. 

1. Reliable

As a QB in the NFL, there was a whole lot of trust involved for a successful play. Trusting that the offensive line would hold up. Trusting that a wide receiver would be at the right spot at the right at the right time so I could throw with anticipation. For my part, my line trusted me to get the ball out as soon as I could. And receivers trusted that I would put the ball on their chest so they could go over the middle without exposing their body to shots from linebackers. 

That’s exactly how it is for friends, too. You need to start with a clear idea of what you expect from each other and then do what you say. Practically speaking, that means getting intentional about your friendship and not canceling on plans—even if it’s just a phone call and you’re tired from working or taking care of the kids.

2. Grace

On the other hand, trust allows you to give friends forgiveness when they mess up or wrong you in some way, however small. Deep down, you know the other person just wants what’s best for you and will try to treat you how you want to be treated. Many friendships are ruined by little resentments that build up along the way which shows the importance of trust in friendship.

3. Discreet

For men to overcome their sinful behaviors, they need to be able to shed light on it—without it becoming everyone’s business. Telling a friend about your struggles is a great way to break out of the shame that keeps you stuck in a destructive pattern while introducing accountability to your life. But all that goes out the window if you can’t trust your friend to handle sensitive private matters with the proper discretion. The importance of trust in friendship is key to opening up to a friend.

4. Honesty

When there is real trust in a friendship, either person feels they can share their perspective about anything without worrying that the other will respond negatively—like acting defensive, dismissive, combative or vengeful. This is so important for two reasons. For one, each friend can feel like they can truly express themselves. And sometimes you really need a friend to be honest with you. They can help you fill in a blind spot of your self-awareness or point out prideful or sinful behavior.

5. Depth

The honesty that comes with a trusting friendship is the only way to have deep, meaningful conversations consistently. It will bring joy, wisdom and understanding to your life. And it’s the kind of friendship that God can use to bring both of you closer to Him.   

 

Ready to develop trust and enjoy these key elements of real friendship? Download the Playbook for Level 5 Friendship today.

 

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Why it’s Important to Consistently Connect with Friends

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As a Dad, it’s easy to get caught up in the whirlwind of daily life—taking the kids to school, sporting events and birthday parties. When you get home and finish the chores, you spend as much time as you can connecting with your wife. Even guys who aren’t married often pour themselves into their jobs. And we all can get distracted by the endless streaming options and social media. The aspect of our lives that most quickly falls by the wayside is maintaining consistent connections and to connect with friends.

Everyone knows friends are important. But a lot of us feel lonely at times and wonder where they’ve gone or why they don’t feel as close anymore. The key is consistency. And I’ll show you why…

4 Ways Being Consistent Will Improve Your Friendships

1. Intentionality 

I think many people expect being close friends with someone to come naturally. But really, everything has to line up perfectly: You grew up together and stayed in the same place while sharing similar interests and values. Otherwise, you have to be intentional about maintaining a close friendship. 

Practically, that means making plans to see each other or talk at least once a week. It shows how much they matter to you that you’re willing to cut out a chunk of time every week to spend time with them, which is key for developing trust. 

2. Trust

Think about meeting up with an old friend you haven’t spoken to in years. You could of course get along, joke around a little, relive the glory days and get caught up to speed on what’s going on in each other’s lives. But would you be comfortable sharing your struggles and deepest vulnerabilities that you keep under wraps? 

That’s why consistency is so key. With an intentional friend, you’ve gotten to a point in your friendship where you can say, “I’ve got your back and you’ve got mine.” You trust them to listen to these sensitive topics without fear that they’ll tell someone else. And that they’ll be actively thinking and praying for the right wisdom to help you connect with friends. 

3. Different Perspectives

Whenever the best CEOs need to find the right direction for the business, they lean on the expertise of their advisors. That’s what it’s like having a few close, trustworthy friends. It’s easy to get confused in life and feel unsure about what your next step should be.  But when you have the consistent advice of a trustworthy friend in your corner, it makes it so much easier. They’ll encourage you to keep going if you’re on the right track or offer insights on what to do next. 

Sometimes the best advice from this kind of friend comes when we don’t even realize we need it. They can keep us accountable when we’re acting out of line or prideful. Not out of some judgmental righteousness but out of deep compassion—they know our story and they only want the best for our soul. 

4. Spiritual Growth

When I talk about spiritual growth, I’m not talking about becoming a pastor or an elder in the church. I’m just talking about deepening your relationship with God and receiving His blessing in our lives. Having a group of trustworthy, reliable friends meeting up every week to be friends with God is among the most important things we can do in life. It’s what Jesus modeled for us. He taught His disciples to come together to consistently connect to God. Being able to connect with friends is one way to do this.

 

Is this exactly the kind of friendship you’ve been looking for? Download the Playbook for Level 5 Friendship to get started today. 

 

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Making The Most Of Your Story

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How to Make the Most of Your Story Retreat

Posted by Regi Campbell on March 12, 2024

The Story Retreat is one of the most important and crucial times your mentoring group will spend together. It will kickstart your mentoring group, allowing your mentees to make deep connections fast. After you share your story at the first meeting, your group will gather for a Story Retreat, where each of your mentees will tell their story. It’s your job as the mentor to tee them up for this by authentically and vulnerably sharing your story. What you model is what they’ll deliver.

One of the main goals of this retreat is for everyone in the group to open up and reveal to everyone else where they’ve come from and where they are now from a spiritual perspective. As they tell their faith stories, they’ll reveal to you in real-time how much of the Gospel they really get.

The other main goal of your Story Retreat is to help your mentees understand and live out of their identity as children of God. This will be a season-long (and really a lifelong) endeavor for your mentees, but it starts at Story Retreat, which is why identity is the topic that pairs with Story Retreat.

After decades of intentionally mentoring the younger next generation in Radical Mentoring groups, I think two things are hardest to get across, and both are related to identity…

  1. God loves them so much that He chose to adopt them as His children. 

    Grasping this fact at the heart level allows them to relax in their own skin and to stop feeling like they must perform for their earthly father, their boss, or their friends. Plus, they can begin to relate to God in a different way. They’ll pray real, personal prayers. They’ll know we’re never alone, never unloved, never at risk.

  2. God forgave them when they became Christians. 

    He truly forgave them and gave them a fresh start, and they are truly different people on the inside. Satan will constantly try to convince them, “Hey, you’re still the same.” But they’re not. They are truly new creations in Jesus. They don’t just have a conscience that grabs them after they’ve messed up. They have the Holy Spirit, who will not only convict them when they’re about to mess up but will inspire them to elevate their thinking, their decisions, their values, and their relationships.

Keep notes on what each mentee says as they tell their story so you can help them see themselves clearly when you’re with them one-on-one. Part of being a great mentor is being a tape recorder, a mirror, and a translator, “Here’s what I hear you saying about yourself. Is that how God sees you?” “Maybe you could replace those lies with the truth of how God really sees you, right now!” These are the words of challenge from a great mentor.

As they tell their stories and you go through the Story Retreat, try to get these two main points across this month. Just these two:

  • You are God’s adopted son or daughter. He’s your Father, and He’s there for you.
  • You have been truly and totally forgiven for your past sins.

Mentor Tip: The last goal for your Story Retreat is to create space for your mentees to have fun together and bond, so leave room for some activities and time to just be together and enjoy one another’s company. It will pay dividends throughout your mentoring season.

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Best Ways Of Removing Pride Biblically

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We guys have a pride issue and it crops up in all kinds of ways. Luckily, God offers grace when we give up our prideful ways and Jesus gives us the perfect example of how to give it up and learn the ways of removing pride.

Our culture promotes pride. Why give it up? Show off that huge house or fancy car so everyone else can notice and you can gain a big following. Or if something is going wrong, don’t admit it. Be strong, hide it, and keep soldiering on. 

But that’s not what the Bible tells us. 

3 Types of Pride and How to Get Rid of It Biblically

The Bible shows us the exact opposite of the culture—that strength comes through humility. And the only way to truly be humble is to live in the truth that every good thing comes from God. On our own, we can do nothing. 

Talking to men for years, I’ve noticed three prevalent types of pride. And I’ve seen how to stop them from taking over our lives. 

1. The pride of being special

One of the most-often loosely quoted Bible verses on pride is “Pride goes before the fall.” Even back in the days of David, before the massive nation-states and global fame, they knew how pride could affect people’s behavior, opening them up for disgrace. There are plenty of modern examples—from politicians to sports to celebrities—but the common lie at the heart of their fall is pride. It wasn’t just lust, but the idea that “I am special. I can get away with it because of my talents or status.” 

The Biblical answer to removing the pride of being special: The Bible doesn’t say, “To whom much is given, that person deserves special treatment.” It says the opposite in Luke 12:48, “To whom much is given, much will be demanded.” Our talents don’t set us apart from others—they’re meant to be used in the service of others. Think about one of the last memories Jesus gave his disciples before He saved humanity. He didn’t have them all toast Him. He washed their feet like a servant. If God on earth made it about others, then you should too. 

2. The pride of performance

A lot of well-meaning, unselfish men fall into the trap of pride through performance. They believe they can earn their own validation if they can compete better and succeed more. The problem is that it’s in relation to being better than others. In the end, you’re playing for pride.

The Biblical answer to removing the pride of performance: Receive your identity as the son of God and you won’t feel the pressure to perform for your own idea of self-actualization. (Guess what even when you succeed, that identity of being a winner is temporary—it only lasts until the next time you lose). Instead, you can perform in whatever your arena is without the pressure of earning your identity. You’re less likely to fall into the traps of pride—delusions of your own greatness, tunnel vision, irritability and blaming others and depression when you lose. Most importantly, win, lose or draw, you’ll honor your Creator. 

3. The pride of image

I’ve had friends who have suffered in silence because it seemed like the noble thing to do. Unfortunately, it was the pride of preserving their image of strength that kept them from being honest, reaching out and getting the help that they needed. In a world where image is everything, image is still unreliable. It’s difficult to maintain and keeps us from living as our true, transparent selves without removing pride.

The Biblical answer to removing the pride of image: Shaping our lives through image doesn’t work well. We weren’t meant to be image-makers, but image-bearers (Genesis 1:27). Made in God’s image, we are relational beings. When you live in the freedom of being yourself, you realize that sharing your weaknesses helps others and gives you strength. As Paul wrote in 2 Corinthians 12:9-10, “[God] said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

That message from Paul introduces what I call the paradox of power. Through these examples, we’ve seen the weakness and insecurity of pride. On the other side is the surprising power of humility and honesty. 

These two characteristics, which Jesus exemplified perfectly, are the keys to overcoming pride biblically. 

 

Want to get deep and honest with a group of guys? Download the Playbook for Level 5 Friendship.

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Why You Should Care About Friendship

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Why do I care about friendship? Because we are made and adopted by God to thrive in relationships with others. But that requires a tight team of intentional brothers, consistently connected Level 5 Friends. Today, men are being blitzed by father wounds, identity insecurity and masculinity confusion/bashing. We’re attacked by everything from a cut-throat culture to the digital poisoning of porn. 

 

Just like in football, these blitzes offer opportunity for God to bring us together—to Him and to a brotherhood of real men. Our challenge is not just the loneliness caused by eroded community ties and the isolating forces of the economy and social media. Tragically, the word masculinity, which means strength that protects the vulnerable, comes with baggage after the #MeToo movement called out men’s self-centered abuse of power.

 

But this is why we need to revive the high standard of manhood—manhood in the model of Jesus, the quintessential man. He lived a masculinity that humbly depended on His Father and courageously channeled His strength for the weak, oppressed and particularly for the exploited women. He turned the world upside down through radical obedience to His Father and lifestyle of coming alongside flawed, driven men who wanted His greater calling. 

 

The way to pull ourselves out of our small and damaged subjective narratives and isolating echo chamber is through something fun that we actually want. But, it’s something the enemy has convinced us to fear—deep, transparent friendship. It’s time for life-giving camaraderie, transforming teamwork and channeling our strengths for good.

 

God wants you to have real friendship.

Men need friendship. We’re made in God’s image and He is a relational being. He instructs us to bear one another’s burdens, share one another’s joys, grieve together in our losses, and confess our weakness—our temptations, struggles and failures (sins) so we can heal and grow stronger. Men need close friendships with other guys because they can relate—they have the same dreams, vulnerabilities and struggles.

 

There are many kinds of friendships, but the best is not often practiced by enough men. Level 5 represents the life-giving commitment and men-transforming relational depth that we’re designed to live.

 

Level 5 – Deep Friendship – This friendship makes you better. It adds a purposeful commitment to loyally and consistently connect. You process your lives, disclose struggles, encourage and pray for each other, confess sins and erase secrets, benefit from accountability and pull each other closer to God. We’ve unpacked that kind of friendship in the last two posts. Let’s wrap up by tackling a few things that stop most guys from investing consistent time in developing intentional friendships.

 

3 Gut-Level Objections You Can Overcome

  1. Not Another Meeting. The easy excuse is “I’m too busy and can’t fit another meeting into my busy life.” Answer: It’s friendship, not a meeting. Could you fit in 60 minutes a week for enjoyable friendship that improves your marriage, family and work life?
  2. Will I get exposed? You may have been burned before. Maybe you’re afraid of being exposed as a failure or of having your private junk become public. You’re not alone, but if each friend agrees to be loyal, confidential and not a life guru trying to fix you, you’ll feel the freedom to be real and let your friends help you transform your life.
  3. I can’t lead it. You’re not supposed to. It’s friendship, not a small group or teaching assignment. It’s we, not you and them. It’s not impressing, critiquing or fixing each other. You simply lean into a couple friends, clearly propose it and help the huddling together get started.

 

We Have the Perfect Model Friend: Jesus

Jesus will guide and help you with this friendship. Jesus built deep friendships. He shared meals, grilled over campfires, and took his friends on intense boating adventures. Jesus showed up at their work and walked with guys. He set up quiet retreats in the hills and a special farewell dinner. Before eating, Jesus, the leader of leaders, shocked his friends with a radical move. He stepped back from his spot near the head of the table, knelt at their feet, took a bowl of water and towel and washed their grimy feet. Jesus loved and led in the most faithful way possible—he served.

 

We may not have to watch the dusty sandals of our friends like Jesus did, but we can be authentic men. We thrive most when we make friendship a priority and create memorable experiences to connect with a group of guys. Together, we can follow Jesus’s example. Better yet, we can let Jesus transform everything in our lives, including our friendships.

 

Start deeper friendship today. Download the Level 5 Friendship Playbook and talk with a friend or two about taking your friendship to the highest level.

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The Epidemic of Loneliness: How Friends Solve the Problem

The Epidemic of Loneliness in the world is a serious problem. I’m going share how understanding the 5 Levels of Friendship can unlock depth in our relationships – ending loneliness for you. Here are all the levels together now:

Level 1 – Casual Friendship – This is a guy you’ve met and may or may not remember his name.

Level 2 – Basic Friendship – You act friendly, barely connect and speak about the usual stuff on the surface level only.

Level 3 – Good Friendship – You’re close enough to joke around and open up a bit. There’s some trust…and some caution. He knows you a little, but nothing really personal or deep. 

Level 4 – Strong Friendship – You trust each other. You talk about meaningful parts of your life. You’re open, but not completely open. You’d call him at 2am in a crisis, but you don’t know what’s going on with each other by checking in consistently.

Level 5 – Deep Friendship – This friendship adds a purposeful commitment to meet and consistently connect. You disclose struggles, pray for each other, confess sins, erase secrets, stay accountable and pull each other closer to God.

 

The Three C’s of Forging Level 5 Friendship

  1. Commitment
  2. Consistency
  3. Connection

 

Now, let’s look at that second line of Level 5: You disclose struggles, pray for each other, confess sins, erase secrets, stay accountable and pull each other closer to God. These are the weekly behaviors of deep friends. It takes investment, but is totally worth the sacrifice. 

 

The 5 Things You’ll Sacrifice for Level 5 Friendship

  1. Prioritizing Yourself – From families to careers, many men already take care of so much. They’re understandably protective of their free time. But you’ll have to give some time to be in community with others. You might have to miss a few hours of watching college football on the couch to be there for a buddy when he needs a hand.
  2. Your Image – This one’s harder to give up, but it’s not real anyways. You’ll have to give up control over how you present yourself to the world—how you want to be perceived. Many of us are obsessed with it. You’ll have to give it up to disclose your struggles and confess sins.
  3. Your Half-Truths and Guilty Pleasures – Many guys have great intentions, but they slip into compromises and half-truths. They tell lies to get away with things. Or maybe they’ll lie to themselves. “It’s okay to do this because…” or “I’ll only do this one time” or “Some guys are doing much worse…” to justify what they know is wrong. They’re more likely to give in to sinful desires. They don’t tell anyone partly because the short-term consumer in him wants to continue. But freedom for what’s best requires erasing secrets and living in the light.
  4. Your Complicity – Many men make excuses for the negative behaviors of other guys to avoid their own stuff. But real men hold self and others accountable.
  5. Your Defenses – There’s no way you can do any of this with your guard up. You’ll have to do something that’s initially uncomfortable—trust what God thinks about you and be vulnerable to friends.

 

It might seem like a lot and feel difficult, but it’s worth it. Especially when you look at what it leads to.

 

The 5 Things You’ll Gain From Level 5 Friendship

  1. Total Honesty – With these guys, you’ll never have to worry if they’re telling you the truth or not. You can rely on their perspective and wisdom to understand your life and improve.
  2. Unconditional Support – There’s nothing you can do or say that will make these guys stop being there for you. You have each other’s back.
  3. Lifelong Bonds – You’ll have guys in your corner at all times—to enjoy and celebrate the good times, and prayerfully support you through the toughest times.
  4. Fun – It’s brotherhood, camaraderie and laughter. You’ll have inside jokes, great times together and great memories.
  5. Purpose – You’ll help each other grow closer to God and transform into better versions of yourself.

 

Want to get started today? Download the Playbook for Level 5 Friendship now.

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