Signs of Self-Isolation and How to Stop It

A man can find himself in a season of self-isolation when he’s without someone to turn to. Some men start self-isolating because they are afraid to be real and show people their insecurities, while others let pride raise them above the reproach of anyone, living on their own self-righteous pedestal. Some have lost hope for carrying out a meaningful purpose in life and waste away alone doing trivial things to stay distracted. 

Whatever the reason, it’s not too late—recognize the signs of self-isolation so you can live the way God wants you to live. To be fully alive. 

 

What are the Signs of Self-Isolation?

 

1) You automatically say “no” to plans. 

You have begun to no longer see the value of spending time with others.

 

2) Numbing yourself with solitary activities.

Hobbies are great and so is a bit of alone time, but you can’t use it as an excuse to avoid others.

 

3) Feeling detached.

You don’t have an interest in connecting with others and have a hard time enjoying their company—even with friends and family.

 

4) Throwing yourself into your work.

This is one of the oldest tricks in the book that men use to self-isolate.

 

5) Not being alone with God.

Are you afraid God will stop you in your tracks and call you into the sometimes difficult world of being with others?

 

6) Worsening mental health.

You don’t enjoy being around others and you feel anxious when you are.

 

7) Poor health.

Scientists have found that a lack of social interaction can lead to all kinds of health risks, including heart disease, increased blood pressure, and dementia.

 

How to Stop Self-Isolation

Giving up the short-term safety of self-isolation is not easy to do. But you have the power to change your mindset and stop self-isolation—and these 5 steps will help.

 

1) Remember that God made humans to be relational beings.

God is a relational being—Jesus came down to earth to demonstrate the way He related to the Father and encouraged us to do the same. Because we are made in the image of God, we are relational by nature, too. From the very beginning of the Bible, God says this Himself: “It’s not right that the man should be alone” (Genesis 2:18).

 

2) Invest in others.

You might self-isolate because you’re disappointed in what you get from others. Instead, take an investor mindset to the people around you. Pour your effort and time into them—not because you expect to get anything back (no one can live up to the expectations we have for them in our minds) but because you want to see them grow. You’ll be amazed how this transforms your ability to give others and the satisfaction it brings you.

 

3) Invest in others.

For one, this will remove any delusions of self-pity. You might have been self-isolating because you’re waiting for someone to notice—when they don’t, you think no one cares, distancing you further. Any true friend will take action and get you out of isolation. Telling others will also keep you accountable when you want to cancel plans. Best of all, though, sharing your struggles will alleviate the burden you’ve been carrying. 

 

4) Get plugged into your community

God doesn’t just ask us to seek Him. He wants us to build community and bring joy to each other’s lives. Join a club or volunteer, so you can make new friends and give back. When you’re alone, you’re always thinking about the next desire you want to fulfill. Shifting your focus to others brings you gratitude, satisfaction, and peace.  

 

5) Be intentional with your friends.

Once you’ve started to pull yourself out of your self-isolation, it’s important to really commit to your friendships. Set aside a time every week or month to get together and be real with one another.

 

What is Level 5 Friendship?

Are you ready to stop self-isolation and find friends in Jesus? Download the Playbook for Level 5 Friendship to get easy-to-follow advice for getting real with others and closer to God.

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How to Remove Fear From Your Mind and Heart

Fear is uncomfortable, isn’t it? It can mess up our relationships and our ability to carry out our purpose in life. Any man who says he doesn’t feel fear is a big faker. The trick isn’t about never feeling fear again, but learning how to remove fear from your heart and mind. 

I know all about fear. As an NFL quarterback, I had to look downfield while huge, ferocious defenders barreled down on me. Hard to keep your mind straight when that’s happening. More importantly, I had to address the fear in my heart. What I feared much more than pain or injury was not being good enough. 

And that leads me to the first step on how to remove fear from your heart and mind…

 

How to Overcome Fear in 5 Steps

 

1) Find out what you’re afraid of.

When we’re kids, it’s easier to know what you’re afraid of: the school bully, talking to the pretty girl, giving a presentation. As we get older, our awareness grows, and our feelings become more abstract and complex. A general sense of fear gnaws at us—opening up the kind of wounds we don’t like to think about. 

But if you are to learn how to remove fear from your heart and mind, you must reflect on your fears. It might take looking at your life story or examining the fearful behaviors that make you miss opportunities or act out of insecurity. Even if you know what your fear is, defining it and facing it head-on is the only way to begin. 

 

2) Be real and open.

One time in the preseason, I was thrown to the ground so hard I couldn’t remember what routes my receivers were running after I called the play. Unsurprisingly, I threw an interception two plays later. Coming back to the sideline, I admitted to my coach, “I can’t think so well.”

It took a concussion to make me honest. All too often, I acted like I had everything under control. Really, I needed to be honest with everyone including myself to ask more questions, seek mentors and improve my game.

If you want to know how to remove fear from your heart and mind, find a friend or group of friends that you trust and share your fears with them. They might have gone through the same thing so they can give advice. They could be going through it now, so you can go through it together. Or they might have their own fears. Whatever it is, you’ll know you aren’t alone.

 

3) Have a growth mindset.

In her book Mindset, Stanford professor Carol Dweck shows how people achieve amazing things when they believe in the process of hard work and develop mental resilience. How does that apply to overcoming fear? 

Learn to see discomfort as a good thing that leads to progress. If you have a hard time being vulnerable with others, put yourself out of your comfort zone knowing that it’s the only way to grow past your fear. 

In football, that concept was facing the blitz. An extra defender or two running free heightened the possibility of pain and failure, but it also presented a huge opportunity—if we could work together, the offense could get a big play. 

 

4) Challenge negative thoughts.

Fear often comes from the bad things we believe about ourselves. Eliminating these thoughts is important for overcoming fear.

Maybe you had a parent who criticized you and made you feel small or like you couldn’t do anything right. Whenever you catch yourself thinking negatively of yourself, look at where those thoughts come from. Whose narrative is that?

You no longer have to tell it to yourself and feed your fearful thinking. 

 

5) Ask God to affirm you.

This is the most important thing you can do to see how to remove fear from your heart and mind. Go to your perfect heavenly Dad and ask Him who you are to Him. You are His child and, through His son Jesus, He has given you the power to overcome fear and carry out the His mission for you.

 

Now you know how to remove fear from your heart and mind. Don’t worry if your fear doesn’t evaporate overnight. Overcoming fear is a journey full of spiritual growth. Be patient with yourself and know that God doesn’t expect perfection from you—He just wants a true, deep relationship with you. 

And that’s something that should make you feel secure. 

 

MenHuddle

Are you ready to be real and open with a group of friends about the fears you’re facing? Download the PLAYBOOK FOR LEVEL 5 FRIENDSHIP to get started. 

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Why Jesus is the Only Way to the Father

Brother, I have some great news for you: Jesus is the only way to the Father. Now, that might sound restrictive to some. In reality, it radically opens up human understanding beyond what’s otherwise possible, invites you into a life full of meaning, and guarantees your salvation.   

 

“Jesus is the only way to the Father.”

What does it mean? It means that the only way to know and follow God is to know and follow Jesus. Jesus unpacks what that means further in John Chapter 14:6, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.”

 

Breaking Down Salvation Through Jesus.

If you look at the verse above, there are some concepts that you might not see right away that come up throughout scripture.

 

1. Jesus is the WAY.

What does Jesus mean when He says that He is the way? In the Old Testament, the Word of God and His law were handed down to guide humanity. But Jesus came down to earth to give us a new, direct way to communicate and engage with God and receive His blessings. Through Jesus, we are able to speak directly to God. He also showed us the way to act like Him and get closer to God. It was so important to early Christians, many of them described themselves as following “the Way,” while others knew them as those who “proclaim to you the way of salvation” (Acts 16:17).

 

2. Jesus is the TRUTH.

When Jesus told His followers that He was “the truth,” He meant that He was the Word of God incarnate (“The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us,” John 1:14). He was the true Son of God, so everything He said was the will of the Father and everything He taught was and is true. In this way, also, Jesus is the only way to the Father. Only believers who follow the Way can know God. As 1 Corinthians 2:11 says, “who knows a person’s thoughts except the spirit of that person which is in him? So also no one comprehends the thoughts of God except the spirit of God.” With the holy spirit dwelling in you, you can understand God’s truth.

 

3. Jesus is the LIFE.

Jesus is life. When you choose to follow Jesus, you understand this in the daily life-giving effects Jesus has on you. That’s your salvation on earth—Jesus saving you from your old ways of doing things by teaching, showing you, and helping you live by His way. He also tells us, “I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live, and everyone who lives and believes in me shall never die” (John 11:25). Here, Jesus is talking about your heavenly salvation. Jesus is the only way to the Father and an eternal life spent with Him.

 

“the way, the truth, and the life,”

In each word, Jesus calls Himself “the way, the truth, and the life,” He is inviting us into a relationship with Him and the Father—because God wants to re-Father you. You might have had a great dad. You might have had a not-so-great dad. Either way, your dad was not perfect and left you with insecurities. 

But when you believe that Jesus is the only way to the Father, you receive God as your Dad. And you enjoy the unconditional love that comes with it. Sure, that comes with a higher standard and a greater calling that might seem impossible. But He doesn’t expect you to be perfect or win His approval. And every day of receiving your identity as his son brings spiritual growth.

How do we know how to interact with God as a Son? By knowing that Jesus is the only way to the Father, we can follow the example He’s given us. Spend time with Him, study His word (“the truth”), and keep Him at the center of your life. 

 

 

Find Your Way With Deeper Friendship.

Here’s a hint: It’s even better when you do it with friends (just as Jesus did). Download the PLAYBOOK FOR LEVEL 5 FRIENDSHIP and see how a MenHuddle can enable men to help each come to the Father through Jesus. 

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How to Stop Being Insecure as a Man

Men don’t like to talk about it, but we face all kinds of insecurities. They fill our lives with anxiety, or we burn out trying to overcome them. Great news! You can learn how to stop being insecure and enjoy the freedom it brings. You don’t have to live this way. 

5 Steps to Stop Being Insecure

In the Book of Galatians, Chapter 5, the apostle Paul asks the church in Galatia not to live by the old law as outlined in the Old Testament. To continue the team metaphor, he’s telling them not to follow the team rulebook and think that it’s going to change the culture. 

Paul tells them they’re free from following the law but not to waste this freedom on the flesh (our selfish, pleasure-seeking desires).

 

1. Don’t get caught up in projecting an IMAGE.

Image is how we want to be perceived. It’s our brand. And eliminating our obsession with it is integral to learning how to stop being insecure.

Image had a big impact on me growing up. My dad was a successful and highly visible man. I felt that it was my legacy to be influential like him. That meant I needed a bunch of my own success to match his. I was afraid to run races or compete in wrestling matches—not because I feared the pain or getting hurt—I was afraid to lose.

I wanted to protect the image of a winner—and I went to great lengths to do so. When I couldn’t make it past second-string on our eighth-grade football team, I quit to “focus on grades.” Even as a young QB in the NFL, I didn’t reach out to veteran players for pointers so I could look cool and confident.

Image isolates you and multiplies your insecurity as a man.

 

2. Don’t compete against others for your identity.

Once you stop focusing on your image, you can put your effort into self-improvement—whether that’s on the field or at your job. This creates more confidence. 

When you have to measure your success against something, it generally means you wrongly compare yourself to others. 

There are all kinds of ways to do it. Culture tells you to compete with your bank account, muscles, or dating history. Even good, admirable characteristics like generosity or spiritual growth can become arenas of competition. 

 

3. Realize how your own expectations are feeding your insecurities.

You might be dealing with insecurity as a man because you’re competing against your expectations of yourself. 

For me, understanding this was a huge step in learning how to stop being insecure. See, I needed a script to outline exactly what I could do to achieve the success I craved. 

In my mind, following the script would ensure that I would excel as a student, as an athlete, as a friend, as a leader, and as a Christian. I would get good grades, make starting quarterback, get drafted into the NFL, be popular, and make a difference. 

Do you have an identity script? I don’t necessarily mean one that’s written down somewhere, and I don’t mean a set of goals you have for making yourself a truly better man. 

I’m referring to the stuff you think you must do in order to have value. If you don’t do them, you think of yourself as a big fat zero: Win awards. Own a bunch of stuff. Marry the pretty girl. Be the life of the party. 

You’ll wear yourself out following a script like that. You’ll never rest in your identity.

 

4. Receive your real identity as God’s son.

The Bible tells us, “God created man in his own image.” This means that who I am is found in discovering who God is.

Receiving our identity from God, who created us—and loves us—is the truth that transcends everything else about us.

It has far greater implications than our background, position, or performance. More than our looks, talents, or marital status. It can securely anchor the way we see ourselves and how we relate to others.

Being an image-bearer of God is the core of our identity, the essence of who we are and who we can become.

 

5. Be real.

It’s so much easier said than done. But if you follow the fourth step and receive your identity from God, you’ll realize that sharing your insecurities as a man instead of hiding them— is strength. It brings people together and leads to deep friendship. Because we all have insecurities—but we don’t have to deal with them on our own. 

 

Fight Insecurity with MenHuddle

Even when you know how to stop being insecure, it takes wisdom from God and friends to work through it. That’s why having a committed men’s group is so important. Check out the PLAYBOOK FOR LEVEL 5 FRIENDSHIP to get started. 

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