Christian Men’s Group for Deeper Friendship

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Once you’ve been a part of a good Christian men’s group, you realize there’s nothing else like it in our culture. Some are Bible studies for men; others are Christian groups based around a shared interest, like fishing or football. At the end of the day, it’s as simple as getting a group of guys together, what I call a “Men’s Huddle,” and allowing yourselves to open up to each other and spend time with God.  You might think, “That sounds great, Jeff, but I have a job and a family. I go to Church. I don’t have time for a men’s group.” Ok, I hear you. Let me give you five reasons you need a Christian men’s group in your life.   

Men need to break out of their isolation.

Our culture keeps us busy and working toward what we don’t yet have. Even if you have a picture-perfect family life, you need friends. You probably miss spending time with a group of guys, like you did in school or on a team. If you feel lonely, you’re not alone. One in three men suffer from loneliness, and it’s taking years off their lives.  By simply putting yourself out there and joining a men’s group, you’re addressing a big issue that many men don’t realize is eating away at them.   

Men need a place to be authentic.

Men don’t try to break out of isolation because they’ve been conditioned not to admit fault or show weakness. But being vulnerable strengthens us.  A solid Christian men’s group allows you to be your authentic self without fear of being deemed weak or judged for your faults. You won’t believe the burden that’s lifted when you experience this kind of support.   

Men need deep friendships. 

By opening yourself up to a small men’s group, you build stronger bonds with your fellow members than you could anywhere else.  Some of the best Christian men’s groups consist of a handful of close friends who have made the intentional choice to be there for each other, commit themselves to consistent meetings and deepen their friendships. You’re not just a men’s group anymore. You’re a brotherhood going through life together.   

Men need accountability. 

We all have secret thoughts and behaviors that we hide from others—partly out of pride and partly out of shame (two of Satan’s most destructive tools).  But once you have a group who you can trust to be open with, you can shine a light on the things you’ve allowed to grow in the darkness. You don’t have to deal with it all by yourself anymore—such a weight is lifted! This accountability will sustain you through the worst of life’s blitzes—what I call those times of great challenges that provide opportunities for great growth.  

Most of all, men need to be like Jesus

—and need other men in their lives to encourage them and show them how. Jesus is the main focus of a transformative Christian men’s group. A team of like-minded believers is one of the keys to unlocking spiritual growth.  Not only will you spend time studying His Word and perfect example—He’ll also be a part of it as you pray to Him. Jesus had His own men’s group during His life as a man on earth. And, with His disciples, Jesus modeled His perfect solution to all the needs listed above.  He brought them out of their busy lives into a group with the most important mission of all time—to bring salvation to humanity. He fostered a group of authenticity, deep friendship, and accountability. And He taught them how to be a son to their Heavenly Father and encouraged them every day.   

Build Deeper Friendship with MenHuddle.

If you’re looking to deepen friendship and mutual mentoring, check out the PLAYBOOK FOR LEVEL 5 FRIENDSHIP—a guide that will help you connect with other men in a meaningful way and catalyze spiritual growth in each other’s lives.
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Find a True Friend in Jesus

What is a true friend? A true friend is someone who’s always there for you. He gives you unconditional support and helps you see who you really are. He holds you accountable and always encourages you, building you up to be the man you were meant to be. 

Where do I get that picture of a true friend? It’s not inspired by any real friends in my own life, even though I have a few great friends who do those things for me.

And I’m not fleshing out the idea of a perfect friend with a set of ideal characteristics, either. Psychology Today, for example, has these essential traits of friendship:

  1. Trustworthiness
  2. Honesty
  3. Dependability
  4. Loyalty
  5. Trustworthiness
  6. Empathy
  7. Humility
  8. Attentive
  9. Supportive of Others
  10. Confident
  11. Humourous
  12. Fun

 

I get it from Jesus, who gave us the perfect example of a true friend with his life on earth. He exhibited all those traits listed by Psychology Today (including a good sense of humor) and so many more at a standard that no one else could. 

 

5 Ways Jesus Modelled True Friendship

  1. Non-judgmental: Jesus hung out with the sinners and courageously saved a woman from a self-righteous, blood-thirsty mob. He asked His Father to forgive the very people who had him killed. He forgave His friends: Peter for denying Him and Thomas for doubting Him.
  2. Honesty: Jesus never deceived, but always revealed the truth instead. He even called out his friend Peter for losing sight of their mission to save humanity.
  3. Empathy: When He saw his friends weeping over the death of their friend Lazarus, Jesus, who knew he could and would raise him from the dead, felt their pain and wept alongside them.
  4. Selfless: Jesus served his disciples. He sacrificed His life so that sinners like you and me could have eternal life.
  5. Dependable: He constantly looked out for his followers and disciples in life. He huddled up with them and created a deep bond. Now, He looks after us with a personal relationship and unconditional love. 

 

He will be your true friend if you invite Him into your life (if you have not already). Spend time with him like you would with your real friends. Sometimes, hang out with Jesus one-on-one to get closer to him and grow spiritually. Other times, get a group together to spend time with Him and build a brotherhood of deep friendships.

 

How do you apply Jesus’ example and become a true friend to others?  

It’s important to turn a few of your friends into true friends. As someone who’s dedicated 30 years of my life to helping men form deep friendships, I realized there was a proven path they could follow. 

Few people have all the traits that Jesus modelled and no one does it perfectly like He did. The key to being a true friend is making a commitment to help each other get closer to Jesus’ example. That means you meet regularly and go deep. You disclose your dreams, struggles, and everything in between. You go through life together. 

 

Are you ready to live by Jesus’ example and be a true friend to others?

 

Build Deeper Friendship with MenHuddle.

If you’re looking to deepen friendship and mutual mentoring, check out the PLAYBOOK FOR LEVEL 5 FRIENDSHIP—a guide that will help you connect with other men in a meaningful way and catalyze spiritual growth in each other’s lives.

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Deep Friendship and the Way of Jesus

How are we lonelier than ever when we can count all the friends we’ve made over the years on Facebook? Recently, 60% of Americans report that they feel lonely on a pretty regular basis. 

 

Some have a hard time finding friends in adulthood. Others have no shortage of friends, but still long for a deeper friendship in their lives. 

 

It’s more than having buddies at work to pass the time easier or a couple guys around for a free weekend here and there. Research says that deep friendship can help us “find purpose and meaning,” not to mention “stay healthy and live longer.” 

 

So how can you cultivate deep friendships? Among the many things Jesus taught us, He gave us the perfect model of a true friend.  

 

The 4 Keys to Deep Friendship

 

1. Shared interests (and a common goal)

To build a deep friendship, you need to have something in common. Tom Flick is a good, true friend of mine. He and I couldn’t be more different except for the position we played in football. He’s an introvert. I’m an extrovert. I’m a dreamer with a serious streak of spontaneity. Tom is methodical and detail-oriented.

 

Despite our differences, our friendship is going strong long after we retired from our NFL quarterbacking careers, thanks to our shared interests in biking, skiing and, more importantly, our faith in Christ.

 

This common trait at the core of our identities aligns us in the most important ways. We are both going in the same direction—focused on living for God and growing spiritually.

 

Am I saying you should only be friends with people who believe the same things as you?

 

Absolutely not. Jesus showed us that He would talk to anyone, especially those who had been shunned by the so-called righteous of society. He found people who desired change, like the woman at the well (John 4:15) and the crucified criminal (Luke 23:40). 

 

My point? Find friends who won’t pull you down but are committed to going in the right direction, too. 

 

2. Deep friendship means deep care

Our culture rarely depicts two male friends who care for each other openly and deeply. One of the best, simplest things you can do to build a deep friendship is to go out of your way to show interest, appreciation and care for the other person. 

 

When an obstacle comes up in a friend’s life, don’t think of it as a chore you need to help out with if he asks you. Proactively offer your time and effort. Sometimes, it’s as easy as checking in and seeing how he’s doing. That’s the sign of a true friend.

 

Jesus was always caring for his disciples. He encouraged them constantly and prepared them for what lay ahead. He was always thinking about their physical and emotional needs. 

 

The most striking example? The Son of God taking the place of a servant to wash their dirty feet after a long, dusty day of travel. As Jesus lowered Himself to serve them, he also raised their spiritual understanding and counted them as friends.

 

“I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.” (John 15:5). 

 

3. Total honesty

Deep friendship cannot form without honesty. You’ll have to be open about who you really are, including all your flaws and insecurities. I’ve found that being vulnerable bonds us together. We all struggle but we don’t have to feel alone in it. 

 

What did Jesus do when he felt “greatly distressed and troubled?” He confided in his friends, telling them, “My soul is very sorrowful, even to death” (Matthew 26:38).

 

This openness also gives us the accountability and safety to confess our mistakes. Instead of hiding in the darkness, we move forward in the light. 

 

4. Intentionality and consistency

Jesus chose his friends specifically and built a deep friendship with each of them. He set up meals, walks, boat rides, silent times in the hills and more. These were times they could share in the intimacy of their brotherhood.

 

You can do the same thing. I challenge you to be the true friend who calls someone out of the blue to see how he’s doing. Set up a time to get coffee. But the real key is consistency. Decide to connect in a dependable and frequent way that works for you. Plan a weekly meeting designed for you to share about your lives (I call it Men Huddle). You can get on a Zoom call tonight! 

 

Build Deeper Friendship with MenHuddle.

If you’re looking to deepen friendship and mutual mentoring, check out the PLAYBOOK FOR LEVEL 5 FRIENDSHIP—a guide that will help you connect with other men in a meaningful way and catalyze spiritual growth in each other’s lives. 

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Spiritual Growth and Its Seasons of Transformation

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God asks every man to go on an epic journey with him. It’s a beautiful and difficult one, filled with obstacles that demand spiritual growth to overcome. Deep down, most people know they were meant to take such a journey. 74% of U.S. adults say they want to grow spiritually, according to a recent Barna survey. 

 

So, What is Spiritual Growth?

It’s the process of making yourself more like Jesus—turning away from what you want and being how Jesus was and wants you to be. 

Like any great adventure, spirits are high at the outset. Then we slip up. We get stuck. You might have good days, followed by bad ones. You think, “How do I know if I’m growing spiritually at all?” 

You’re not alone. Thousands of men have told me they feel the same way. I’ve also witnessed the way spiritual transformation takes place. Not only in my own life but in the lives of mentors and the men I’ve talked to about spiritual growth. 

I’ve found that we often can’t see spiritual growth until we’ve traveled long enough to understand our story and the spiritual seasons in it. 

 

4 Seasons of Spiritual Growth

My friend and mentor Robert Lewis has coached countless men to help them understand the seasons of growing spiritually. Metaphorically speaking, it starts in the winter of a man’s life.

 

1. Struggle

This is when we try things on our own, wrestle with insecurities, and try to position ourselves to win and feel good. We slip, slide, and crash. We can’t see the sun. It’s a hard season but very important.  If we move past it, it’s only because we’ve humbled ourselves. Plus, we’ve made ourselves vulnerable enough to talk about it, so we can later bond with others and positively impact them. Because we all struggle. 

 

2. Surrender

When we surrender our life, and take Jesus as our purpose, we move out of the bitter winter of Struggle and into the refreshing spring of Surrender. It’s often a time of rejuvenation, of seeing ourselves and our purpose with clarity. The ego-driven self-image fades away and you receive your identity as God’s son. 

Instead of thinking we have it all figured out, we turn to Jesus and mentors. We discover grace and follow God, receiving His unconditional love and guidance.

 

3. Significance

Then comes Significance. God has led us to our unique mission in relation to His purpose. We learn that spiritual growth is not a solo act. Our talents, passions, and story are repurposed to benefit the lives of others. We start making our part of the world better. Like an abundant summer, he produces good character in us and good fruit in our lives. 

“I am the vine, you are the branches. Whoever remains in me and I in him will bear much fruit, because without me you can do nothing.” (John 15:5). 

Unlike the un-productive Struggle, our efforts bring growth and goodness with God. He has transformed us into men who live for others.

 

4. Satisfaction & Sharing

Our spiritual growth is never finished. But in the season of Satisfaction and Sharing, we are mature, grateful, and focused on others. God has rewritten our worst chapters. Now, it’s time to share our story to raise a new generation. This is mentoring and giving back. Like a perfect fall season, we gratefully share a full harvest with family, those in need, and tomorrow’s leaders. 

Try to take a step back and understand how God is leading you on a path of transformation and spiritual growth. What season are you in? Are you able to better understand how you are growing spiritually? 

 

Build Deeper Connections with MenHuddle.

If you’re looking to find a mentor or become one, check out the LEVEL 5 FRIENDSHIP PLAYBOOK—a guide that will help you connect with other men in a meaningful way and catalyze spiritual growth in each other’s lives. 

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How to Find Friends and Develop Deep Connections

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We’re taught how to do a lot of things growing up. How to tie your shoes, ride a bike and throw a football… But were you ever taught how to find friends? 

Nowadays, people are feeling more isolated than ever. A striking 76% of men “don’t have a close and trusted friend they can share anything with on any topic,” reports a 2021 Perspectives Survey by The Survey Center on American Life. 

Part of it is the natural progression of life. We grow up, get married and have kids, creating meaningful new relationships that require tons of time and attention. Too often, friendships go by the wayside. 

Then, when you realize friendship is missing from your life, you don’t know how to find friends. It just came naturally when you were growing up. You didn’t need tips for finding friends. You just met kids in your neighborhood or in the classroom. Maybe you made a bunch by joining a club or playing sports. 

Whatever it was, you felt like you belonged on the team. So why leave the joys of teamwork in the past?

 

Four Tips on How to Find Friends

 

1. Join a club or volunteer organization based on one of your interests. 

I started playing sports at a young age and quickly enjoyed the bonds of friendship. I was lucky enough to play football in high school, college, and the NFL. It pretty much guaranteed a close-knit group of buddies—the kind that spent every day together and had a shared mission that bonded us through both victory and defeat. 

My advice? Pick something with a purpose. In my 30 years of focusing on teamwork, I’ve found that working toward something forges true friendships faster.

 

2. Reconnect with an old friend in a meaningful way. 

In the age of super-connectivity and social media, it’s easy to think we’re keeping up with our social lives. We look on Facebook or Instagram and have a superficial, one-way relationship with the friends in our feeds. 

You might think, “I don’t know how to find friends in this modern age.”

Do it the old-fashioned way. Take some time out of your day to call an old friend and find out about what’s happening in his life. Find out how he’s doing deep down.

Really, it all comes down to how much you’re willing to invest.  

Over 2,000 years ago, Jesus showed us how to find friends and develop them. He was intentional in choosing his friends. And He had strong, close friendships with them, largely because He invested in them and helped them grow. He gave them attention and help. He challenged them and encouraged them. 

 

“My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends” (John 15:12-13). 

 

Many men have been conditioned to take as much as they can and give very little. Jesus gave, and gave, and gave. 

 

3. Remember that everyone is looking for connection.

All the best investors are comfortable with a little bit of risk. You will likely have to do the same to make new friends. It’s possible that you’ll be the one who strikes up a conversation at your kid’s school event or put yourself out there and invite someone out for coffee. 

You should know that the odds are in your favor. There is something called the liking gap—the difference between how much we think a stranger likes us and how much they actually do after one conversation. Good news, people are more liked than they think. 

Everyone wants to know how to find friends. Sometimes, it just takes one person going out of their comfort zone.

 

4. Be a long-term investor and be real. 

Most importantly, you’ll need to be in it for the long run, like any good investor. You’ll invest your time, effort, and attention over the years—everything from helping a friend move to listening to the challenges going on in his life. You’ll have to sacrifice that perfect version of yourself that you’re always trying to present (I know I did) and share your own struggles. 

That’s how to find friends that will really make a difference in your life.

 

Build Deeper Connections with MenHuddle.

When a small group of good, intentional friends (I call it a MenHuddle) share every aspiration and confession, our insecurities, doubts, and limitations disappear. Remember, there is more strength in the unity of three (Ecclesiastes 4:12). What’s next? Time to take these tips for finding friends and forge a new friendship.

 

If you’re ready to enjoy the full, transformative power of friendship, download the Men Huddle QuickStart. 

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